


The Kidnapping of Sam Winchester

by LokiNeedsHugs1031



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, BASMF Cas, Bottom Sam Winchester, Comfort/Angst, Crying Sam, Crying Sam Winchester, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Sam, Episode: s12e01 Keep Calm and Carry On, Fluff and Angst, Gabriel Lives, Gabriel Loves Sam Winchester, Gabriel Takes Care of Sam Winchester, Hand Jobs, Hurt, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Mutual Masturbation, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Bottom Sam Winchester, Protective Gabriel, Rape Recovery, Re-establishing Trust, Sabriel - Freeform, Sam Winchester Loves Gabriel, Stop Hurting Sam 2k16, Suicidal Thoughts, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Top Gabriel (Supernatural), Top Gabriel/Bottom Sam Winchester, Torture, Tortured Sam, Violent Thoughts, will add more tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 08:52:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8280070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiNeedsHugs1031/pseuds/LokiNeedsHugs1031
Summary: Sam is kidnapped by the 'Women of Letters' and someone besides our boys comes to the rescue.





	1. Out of The Fire

**Author's Note:**

> That premiere guys....am I right? Sammy....oh Sammy....so this was written that is all *sobs* please review.

            It could have been days, hours, fuck, even weeks. Sam didn’t know anymore. All he knew was pain, heat, cold, more heat, then immense cold that ate into his bones. And the ‘women of letters’ were only kind enough to keep his wounds bound tightly enough to keep him from bleeding out. But other than that? Nothing. He was cold, and he felt a fever edging along his brow, growing in strength, the beads of sweat growing like pearls along his hair line.

            They had changed things up, hanging him from the ceiling by his wrists, thick, iron cuffs cutting into the already raw and bleeding state of his wrists. He’d stopped struggling at this point. However, wrought as he was with bodily pain, it was his mental state that was slowly but surely dwindling.

            The voices had yes, receded, still lingering. Bevell had given him another injection of the mind drug, but kept him restrained. So now he simply hung as he thrashed and screamed against the invisible tortures that spoke to him, loose limbed, too weak at this point to fight back, his leg throbbing, and his foot? Well, he wasn’t so sure about that, and he was almost sure he was slipping into some kind of delirium as his fever climbed and shock set in.

            He was alone.

            Dean was gone.

            Dead.  All of them. Jessica, Dad, Sarah, Amelia….and then he couldn’t think anymore. Just their faces taunted him.

            But Dean. Dean most of all.

            Because he wasn’t able to take on the mark of Cain. Couldn’t convince him to stay.

            And Cas. Cas wouldn’t be able to track him because of the fucking sigils on his ribs.

            He was alone.

            He slumped even further, not even caring that his wrists protested fiercely, blood now dripping down his forearms. His head hung low, chin to his chest. And in his first moment of weakness, of absolute exhaustion, he began to cry. As he recalled the moment in front of the mirror, his failed attempt at escape, for only a moment he thought: _perhaps the voices were right, maybe I shoulda just done it._

            With that thought, Sam sobbed.

            He didn’t want to die and that thought made his palm throb like a heartbeat.

            Even with Dean gone, Cas was still out there. A purpose was still out there. He couldn’t die, but how, without help, how could he get out of here? Wherever here was. His sobs were loud, rough, messy, against the muddy walls of the cellar, only making him feel that much more alone. So cold.

            The door creaked and he flinched, violently, not even bothering to look up. But then was forced to when bony fingers clenched his chin. The image before him flickered, from blonde to the menacing and smiling face of Lucifer.

            “Oh Sammy, you and I? We’re never gonna be apart, doesn’t matter what vessel I take, you and I? Together forever pal.”

            “You’re not real,” Sam panted, huffed, clenched his eyes shut so tightly he believed they could bleed, “Not real.”

            “How can you be really, really sure Sammy?” Lucifer smirked with a wink, “Remember what fun we had down in the deep, dark cage? And ooh not that little disco dance we had with little ole Cas, I’m talking the first go around? Surely you haven’t forgotten.”

            “Go away!” Sam screamed, “You’re not real!”

            “That’s what you said the first time the walls came down,” Lucifer chuckled.

            The voice doubled, split into two, “He’s too far gone alright, if we don’t do a round of antibiotics he’ll be gone in a week. That’s the problem with this method,” the British voice continued, “Infection, so messy.”

            Sam attempted to clear the blur from his vision, the blonde before him merged so easily into the image of Lucifer, “You’re not real,”

            “Oh yes Sam, I am afraid I am,” the accented feminine voice said, “If you had only done as I asked. Only a few questions, but now here we are. You could very well die.”

            Sam swallowed roughly, trying to salvage saliva in his too dry throat, despite his dehydrated state he could feel the hot tears leaking down his fevered flesh.

            He flinched backwards, away from the touch to his leg, and then there was a painful squeeze, “You would really not talk after all of this?”

            Sam tried to bury his face in his own shoulder, which wasn’t too difficult given how high his arms were strung above him.

            “I do suppose we’ll have to start cutting, what should we start with? Fingers? Toes? More important appendages?”

            Sam couldn’t help it, finally, he lost it, he sobbed. It leapt out of him like a bullet, and he wouldn’t open his eyes.

            “Ooh, poor little boy, you must choose! Fingers?” he felt a blade against the tips of said fingers, “Toes,” touch was felt there as well along raw, open flesh, “Or,” and the blade grazed the crotch of his tattered jeans. With that one touch, scattered, red, violent images scurried across his vision and he gasped and cried, still willing his eyes shut. He once more felt the blade press into the underside of his big toe, he waited, he cried.

            And then there was a brilliant flash of light and then ungodly screams. On instinct he kept his eyes clenched shut, shielding his head with his bound arms, chest stilling with cries as the chains clinked above him.

            “Sammy?”

            “No,” Sam sobbed louder, “No, no, no,” because he recognized the voice and that was every reason to believe it was another delusion.

            “Sammich, hey, tiny moose, look at me. You’re alright, hey.”

            “Not real,” Sam hiccoughed loudly, his chest ricocheting with cries, “Not real…”

            “Sammy boy, I’m real, all real,” the voice continued, “Hey, look at me, look at me please.”

            “I can’t,” Sam sobbed, “No,” and then he felt arms around him and the chains disappearing and being lowered to the floor.

            “Sammy, come on.”

            When Sam felt fingers carding through his sweat drenched locks, and two cool hands cup his face, with great reluctance he opened his eyes. But it was blurry at best, he blinked once, then twice, “W-What…”

            “Did you think Dad would come back and not find the time to raise me back up? And did you really think I wouldn’t show up when my favorite moose is in trouble?”

            Sam’s chest lurched with a painful sob, tears leaking endlessly, “Gabriel?”

            “Yeah kiddo, it’s me, you’re alright,” the archangel pulled the larger man into his lap, minding his injuries, but fully wrapped his arms around his torso.

            “You can’t be real, everyone is gone, everyone has left me,” Sam cried, and without meaning to, or hell, who knew, he buried his face in the smaller man’s shoulder, “I have no one.”

            “Shhhh, moosey. I’m here, I’m right here,” Gabriel huffed a sigh, gathering Sam close, “Gonna get you outta here okay? I’m not up to full power, newborn disadvantages, but I took everybody out. Got it sweetheart? So I’m gonna get us in a car, get us to the nearest motel and get you cleaned up.”

            “Not real,” Sam continued to cry, face still hidden.

            “Just the fever Sammy, I’m very real,” Gabriel said, hand pressed to the man’s head and frowning at the heat he found there. Gabriel so wished he could heal him and zap them somewhere, he was weighing the two factors: Zap or heal? When he heard the commotion above this mud pit, multiple voices, not one voice above of the cellar he made the decision. He focused on the hotel nearest to Lebanon, Kansas. Hotel, not MOTEL. He had just enough power to settle them into a room that would not be disturbed. Perhaps his powers weren’t too on the fritz, but to his dismay he knew he couldn’t quite heal Sam. He’d moved them to the hotel not so perfectly, they were sitting on the floor, archangel with an armful of battered human.

            “Sammy, you with me?” Gabriel voiced.

            Sam groaned, loudly, “Where—what…”

            “It’s okay, I gotcha,” Gabriel answered, “Bath time, and we’ll see about what I can do healing wise.” the kid was drenched in sweat, and dirt and blood. He conjured up some clothes, at least that was less energy consuming, than healing. He wanted to curse his Dad for not returning him full force, or fuck, talking to him afterwards. He knew THAT would take a few days, even more to be at full power. He situated Sam’s back against the bed and moved into the bathroom that had a fairly large tub, he ran it warm, but not hot.

            Returning to the bedroom he frowned at the slumped form of Sam Winchester, a man he remembered, in their short time together, to be so strong. And here he was, so broken. When Gabe had heard his cries, his pleas, it was almost too much. He had waited far too patiently to make his entrance and rescue the kid. Completely confused as to why Cas had not showed up, or Dean for that matter! But then he thought, there had to be circumstances. He would take care of the big kid and contact his little brother and the hunter that wanted him dead.

            “Sammy, come on, you’re a little big for me so you got give me some help,” Gabe urged Sam up from the floor, only by the will of his father was he able to maneuver the moose into the bathroom. “Hey, it alright that I undress you? I got nice comfy clothes for you when I get you outta the tub.” he carefully watched for Sam’s reaction, of which was fevered, blurry and not quite understanding, “Okay, this is a nurse-patient-situation, no sexy times.” he stripped Sam out of his tattered clothes and helped him lower into the water, keeping his burnt heel out of the equation.

            Gabe bit at his bottom lip, eyeing Sam’s pained expression, and then he focused all his grace that he could gather and fixed the burned and torn flesh of Sam’s foot. That garnered him a contented sigh. When he was finished he couldn’t quite catch his breath, but a few measured gasps and he was okay. His reward? Sam was eased into the warm water, eyes closed and breath soft and sleepy. His eyes opened blearily, trying to focus, “Gabe…Gabe?”

            “Heya Sammy, how ya feeling?” Gabe smiled, and he couldn’t help himself, he threaded his fingers through the brown locks that seemed shorter than he remembered from before. He made it point while doing so to scratch his scalp, Sam only sighed like a contented child.

            “Is that really you? Why?” Sam slurred, slumping into the bathwater.

            “Dad brought me back, thought I’d be useful, turns out he was right,” Gabriel said with the purse of his lips.

            “Why save me?” Sam asked, tired brow furrowed.

            “Why not Sammy?” Gabe began, “You know you’re a soft spot for me…” Gabe didn’t expect a hiccupped cry to escape the human, but fuck, it did. The archangel frowned, “Sammy, don’t cry, you’re okay.”

            “Not okay, I’m alone,” Sam sobbed, head turning away, cheek pressed to the porcelain.

            “No, Sammich, you aren’t, I’m here.” Gabe shook his head at that statement, why would he think that?

            “Dean’s gone, I failed again,” Sam continued to cry, even though he wanted to sleep with the warmth around him.

            “Sam, hey, look at me, “Gabriel urged, “ _Look_ at me.”

            Sam did, “What…”

            “Dean isn’t dead. Dad told me when he brought me back, part of the reason I guess. He wanted to make things right, so kiddo, I think Dean is raising hell to find you. I just happened to find you first.”

            “What?” Sam sobbed once more, large, impossibly brown eyes wide, “What?”

            “Sammy, shhh,” Gabe started, becoming somewhat alarmed that Sam suddenly wanted to lurch up from the tub, “He’s fine, you’re fine, we all survived the umpteenth apocalypse. Breathe, honey, breathe. Let’s get you out and into bed you need to sleep.”

            “How’d…how…did I get here?” Sam stammered.

            “Limited powers sweetheart, but I got us here. I’m gonna nuke those bitches as soon as I have the chance,” Gabriel growled, “But let’s get you to bed, snug and warm.”

            The archangel helped the human up from the tub, and without any resistance he re-dressed Sam into sleep pants and a t-shirt, led him to a large bed. He was expecting a fight but Sam went willingly onto the bed, “You get some sleep kiddo, got it?” he tucked Sam in between sheets and two blankets. He sent his grace in small waves, to ease the fever, it was almost nothing, but he could feel through the human connection it helped.

 

            Gabriel dozed in his low-mojo state, but he was startled awake by not just yelps, or whimpers, but screams. And his eyes turned to Sam tossing and thrashing in the bed. He shot up from his chair moved to the bed, “Sammy! Hey! It’s just dream!” with more rest he could take away more of the fever but Sam’s mental state remained.

            “There’s so much glass, so much glass and blood,” Sam sobbed, “No, no, no, please!”

            Gabriel wasn’t a sentiment creature, he prided himself as such, but these cries made his heart break in two. He shimmied onto the bed and gathered the large man into his arms, “Sammy, there’s no blood, there no pain, you’re okay.”

            “I don’t wanna do it, please, Gabe…where were you…” Sam sobbed, without thinking he buried his face in the crook of the smaller man.

            “Shh, Sammy, you’re okay, you’re with me, you’re not there,” Gabriel held him tighter, “There’s no one here to hurt you.”

            “It burns, it burns so bad…cold…” Sam hiccoughed, fingers clenching in the material of Gabriel’s shirt, “They both…Lucifer…all of them…burned me so bad…Gabe…”

            “Sam,” Gabe spoke firmly, combing back his still damp hair and kissed his temple with emphasis, “Just a bad dream, you’re safe. Gonna get big bro here and everything will be okay.”

            “I missed you,” Sam sobbed.

            Gabe’s heart lurched, “What?”

            “I missed you, don’t leave, please,” Sam stuttered and he couldn’t catch his breath, “Don’t leave, don’t leave…everyone leaves…don’t wanna be alone.”

            “Shhh,” Gabe gasped, holding the man closer and rubbing his back in hopes to garner more steady breaths, “I’m not going anywhere, right here ya big moose.” and the archangel thought that might have snapped him out of it but Sam only snuggled closer and latched tighter, burrowing his face between the space of his neck and shoulder, “Sam.” he spoke with seriousness, “I’m not going anywhere, go to sleep. I’m right here.”

            “Gabe…” Sam whimpered.

            “Yeah, sweetheart,” Gabriel said shaking his head, engulfing his arms around the human, pulling the blankets around both of them, “Sleep, I’m not going anywhere.”

            He just hoped Cas and Dean would be as welcoming when he called them. And he would. But all that mattered was that Sam was safe, warm, healed. And so unwilling to give the archangel up. That, he hoped was a lingering component. When Sam whimpered and clutched him closer, he knew it was.

           

           


	2. Dousing The Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas know where Sam is, and find out Gabe is alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey wonderful readers, I'm updating in the wee hours of the morning. On the cusp of a stupid anxiety attack, but thankfully writing helps with that and I got this writing done. I'm so so happy I did. I hope ya'll like it! *hugs* thank you for the review, kudos, bookmarks, keep'em up I'll write more! And I'll edit again in the morning, just wanted to get stuff out to ya <3

            Cas felt breathless. Utterly breathless as he eyed Dean who was in the process of urging the gun down from the unknown blond woman.

            He felt blind. And all he could sense, smell, feel, was Dean. Then he was leaping towards him, voice broken, eyes burning, voice cracking loudly with more gravel than usual, “Dean!” arms strong around him, “Dean, you’re alive,” he squeezed harder but Dean didn’t let go.

            “Alright Cas, it’s alright,” Dean murmured, arms around him without hesitance.

            “No,” Cas countered, holding tighter and without control pressing his cheek to Dean’s cheek. He was full aware of the woman in the room and he didn’t care, “Dean…”

            “It’s okay Cas, shhh, it’s okay,” Dean garnered enough control then and there to not scoop the angel up in arms and take him to his bedroom as he cut eyes briefly to his mother, who, more or less looked stunned.

            “What about the bomb and the darkness?! What happened?!”

            “I’ll tell ya everything. Cas, _where’s_ Sam…”

            Cas maintained control, clearing his throat loudly nodding his head, “We came back here, there was a woman, a human woman, she banished me. I’m so sorry Dean, there was nothing I could do and I don’t know where Sam is…” Cas’ brow furrowed deeply, eye watering over, “I promised you I’d take care of him…”

            “Cas,” Dean shook his head, cradling his face in one hand, “No, that isn’t your fault.”

            Cas was in such disarray that Dean found himself fighting for control. His little brother was out there. Somewhere hurt. And they had no way of telling where… and then his phone was ringing, with a ringtone he wasn’t familiar with. Wasn’t familiar with the number either. It screamed “Heaven must be missin’ angels” he snarled as he answered it quickly, given that Cas’ eyes glistened even further.

            “Who is this?!”

            “Hey there Deano, guess who’s back from the dead?”

            For a moment Dean stood in stunned silence, and then finding that his mouth worked, “Gabriel?!” Dean snapped and Cas’ eyes went owl wide.

            “That’s right, and I just so happen to have a very injured moose in my midst. And NO! I didn’t do it, because knowing your sick mind that was the next thing to ask. He’s hurtin’ and I need you here. We’re in a small hotel in Kansas City, a place called Red Nine. I’d fly but I’m still weak, so just get your asses here.” and the line ‘clicked’.

            “Did you say _Gabriel_?” Cas asked carefully.

            “Thee one, guess your Dad was feeling a little more generous after all.”

            “What the hell is going on?!” Mary finally snapped.

            Dean jumped, “Uh, sorry, Mom, this is Castiel.”

            “Your mother?” Cas asked carefully.

            Mary directed his attention with snapping her fingers, “Are you a hunter?”

            “No, he’s an angel, uh I promise I’ll explain more later I promise but we gotta get to Kansas City. Gabe says that he and Sam, they’re both in a hotel there and he’s banged up pretty bad, some place called Red 9. Cas, can you, ya know, zap us there?”

            “Zap?!” Mary protested.

            “So he may not have a halo, or a harp, but he has wings and he can fly us just about anywhere if he knows where he’s going.”

            “This is insane,” Mary spat, shaking her head.

            “You could stay here. I mean it wouldn’t take long I would think…” Dean began.

            “Are you kidding me?! No!” Mary protested, “Sammy’s in trouble, I need to see him, now.”

            “Okay, okay,” Dean consented, hands out, “Cas…do your…thing…”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

            Gabriel was perched on the side of the bed next to Sam, ever vigilant, watching for any twitch or groan or whimper. Thankfully so far Sam was sleeping peacefully beneath the covers. Sam had yet to really reach any kind of true consciousness. He’d held Sammy in his arms for over two hours and the man cuddled closer as if seeking warmth. Did that mean he knew him? He wasn’t positive. He wasn’t sure if the man even knew who the angel was or where they were. He would have questioned himself further but then there was a whoosh that actually startled him and there stood Cas, Dean, and a woman he didn’t recognize.

            “Whoa, who’s the chick?”

            “Sam!” Dean moved forward, pushing past the archangel bodily, pressing one hand to his little brother’s forehead, “Sam, Sammy…”

            “He’s been out for a couple of hours now, he needs it,” Gabe groused at the man handling, “Hey little brother, how’s it hanging, Dad bring you back too?”

            “At least once,” Cas replied, eyeing the archangel carefully.

            “It’s me if you’re wondering, really me,” Gabe replied, pursing his lips and lowering his head in some semblance of tiredness. What he didn’t expect was for Cas to move forward and capture him in a hug, “Cas, Cassie, it’s okay.”

            “I thought you were dead, we all thought you were dead…” Cas whined, face falling to the older angel’s shoulder.

            “Well Dad had other plans I guess…cause I was bonifide dead…come on Cassie you aren’t one for tears.”

            “A lot has changed,” Cas answered muffled, “A lot.”

            Gabe grimaced at that remark and held him tighter, “Fuck yeah it has.”

            “Gabriel? As in, _the_ Gabriel?” Mary finally spoke up.

            “And you are?”

            “Mary Winchester.”

            He patted Cas on the shoulders good heartedly, “You’re lookin’ at him, you aren’t the first Mary I’ve spoken to,” Gabriel said with a wink.

            “Don’t talk to her like that!” Dean snapped.

            Gabe pointed a finger, eyes quickly wet, “Hey, I got your bro out of that mess, where were you?!”

            “He didn’t mean anything by that he’s just worried,” Castiel interrupted.

            Sam made a small whine.

            “Sammy,” Dean turned back to his brother, “Hey, you hear me? Please wake up.”

            Sam groaned, leaning without thought into the touch at his cheek. He heard his name. That was all he could perceive so instinctively he worked his eyes open, and it was more work than he could articulate. Blurrily he tried to focus and in his sleep fogged mind he could make out the features of a face. Dean’s face. “Dean?”

            “Yeah buddy, it’s me, it’s Dean.”

            Sam wetted his lips blinking faster, and then a woman’s face joined alongside Dean’s. A face he recognized. A face that swam in the clouds, and flames and fire. He screamed, launching away from any and all touch, crawling backwards until he fell off the bed. He cried out at the sudden pull of gravity and tug at his wounds as he hit the wall, “No more! Please, please, please! Oh God please no more!”

            Gabriel jumped between the family and Sam, “Guys back off a little! He thinks you’re all hallucinations, bitches of letters gave him a healthy dose of LSD, he doesn’t know what’s real. He thinks all of us are dead.”

            “Except me,” Cas said, “Dean, Gabriel, move back, trust me.”

            Dean and Archangel did as told, eyes wide as the angel knelt next to his hyperventilating little brother.

            “Sam, it’s me, Cas,” Cas spoke softly, keeping touch out of it, not sure where his boundaries were.   

            “Cas?” Sam sobbed, “Where’d you go, what happened?”

            “That woman, the one that took you, she banished me, remember? I’m so sorry Sam, I would never have let anyone take you anywhere if I’d known their intentions. Do you hear me?”

            “Everyone’s dead…we’re all that’s left…” Sam gulped, finally groaning as moving so fast was wrong in every sense, his aching from before multiplied.

            “We’re not dead Sam, and neither is Dean. I’m not sure how but my Father and Aunt have come to an agreement. Dean is not dead,” he was about to explain the boys’ mother but he had yet to be given an explanation so he left that alone, “You need to get back on the bed, will you allow me to help you?”

            “Cas, you aren’t lying to me…are you?” Sam cried, wincing expression painful and eyes leaking tears.

            “No, Sam, I’m not, look at me, I’m not lying to you,” Cas urged the young man to meet his gaze and when he did he felt his heart break, “It’s alright.” Cas was caught off guard when Sam pulled him forward in a tight hug, arms around his torso and nearly knocking him over. He gave the human a moment, since these kinds of interactions were rare between him and the younger brother and soon enough wrapped his arms around him, hand rubbing carefully up and down his back, “You need to get back into bed.”

            “You’re alright?” Sam asked tentatively, fists clenched in the angel’s coat, “It all happened so fast.”

            “Quite fine, I’m alright,” Cas gave a small smile.

            Apparently Dean hadn’t been able to take it anymore and was at Cas’ side as well, “Sammy, I’m not dead, please.” his brother fell backwards to the wall, away from Cas’ grasp and all and any serene look on his face was gone. With this action Dean could see how badly Sam’s wrists were damaged, they were crusted with scabs. And despite his anger towards Gabe he could see that the archangel had done everything he could to make Sam comfortable.

            “Dean?” Sam gasped, eyes darting around the room at all the people, but then locked on the older man, “Dean,” he didn’t question any longer and launched himself forward into his brother’s arms.

            Dean gave a muttled laugh and held Sam tightly, enveloping him into his embrace, “It’s okay Sammy, I’m here, I’m here.”

            “I don’t understand, the sun returned, you-you were gone…” Sam continued to sob, “I don’t…”

            “God and Amara worked things out, fixed everything up. I’m fine, breathe, Sammy, please, you’re banged up pretty bad,” Dean turned to Gabe and Cas, “Can’t you guys fix him? He’s burning up, he’s like a freaking furnace!”

            “I can’t,” Gabe huffed, expression pained, “I’m still on the mend, be happy I could get him to this motel and out of that hole! You should have seen his feet, those bitches took a blow torch to them! I know I haven’t been perfect Dean, but Sammy’s been through hell, so put your animosity aside and just think the big picture! I can’t heal all the wounds!”

            “I can,” Cas said, placing a hand to Dean’s shoulder, “Gabriel you’ve done well,” he gave a nod towards his brother in appreciation, “I’m almost at full power but this is probably going to make him sleep for some time. He might, as you say, ‘freak out’ at the surge of grace in his system. We should get back to the bunker, all of us. Familiarity will only help him, he’s delirious right now. He only believes me to be real.”

            “Okay Cas, okay,” Dean agreed quickly, “So what, do we all join hands?”

            “Not necessary,” Cas rolled his eyes, “Everyone make physical contact with me.”

 

            The group made it back to the bunker in one loud swoosh, just as they had been standing in the hotel. Sam still wrapped in Dean’s arms, still shaking and crying without thought, not even sure why he was doing so. Mary stood to the side, only observing, eyes wide and confused and distraught.

            “Let’s get him to bed,” Gabriel snapped, “This is like a concrete palace, couldn’t you guys spring for a house at least?”

            “It’s warded against everything, dumbass,” Dean growled.

            “Watch your mouth Winchester,”

            “Enough!” Cas shouted, “Put your differences aside, Dean your brother needs help and by the grace of my father Sam is alive because of MY brother. So stow it and help me!” both of them took Sam’s arms around their shoulders and drug him into his bedroom, Mary following closely behind. They laid him to the bed, and it was Gabe that was in the mix, fixing Sam’s limbs more comfortably.

            “Okay, I’m gonna ask this and only once,” Dean began, “Why are you here and why the fuck do you care about Sammy?!”

            Gabriel grit his teeth, “Your brother and I…we…spent more time together than you initially thought. You’d be off doing your shit, whatever that might have been,” he eyed Cas, “And we’d just hang out together, that’s it, we never said anything because we knew you’d do your big brother pissing match. Fuck, does this matter right now, Cassie, fix him, please!”

            “Yes, Dean, later,” without thinking he squeezed one of Dean’s hands, only momentarily intertwining their fingers, “I’ll take care of him, none of this matters right now.”

            Dean swallowed roughly, nodding, heart fluttering, “Okay Cas, just, yeah, please,”

            Sam was writhing on the bed, groaning softly, pearls of sweat lining along the tips of his hair, around his lips that were pale and white, “Cas, w-where are we…”

            “Home, Sam, we’re home, you’re safe,” Cas pressed a firm palm to his damp forehead, “You’re going to go to sleep. When you wake up all the pain will be gone, do you understand?”

            “Where’s Gabe?” Sam whimpered, hands gripping and clambering at his sides, a cry leaping up from his throat, “He’s not real…is he…” he turned his head away, out of Cas’ touch.

            Gabe rounded the bed, ignoring the indignant remarks of the elder Winchester and situated himself opposite of Cas on the bed, edging over the sheets, “Hey there my smexy sickly Sammich, I’m not going anywhere. Remember? I promised.”

            Sam huffed and gasped against the tightness in his chest, blinking rapidly from Cas to Gabe, “Cas, you see him too? Is he there?”

            “Yes, Sam, he’s alive, my Father revived him, all that you see is real.” Cas assured, sending his grace over the human’s flesh like a hum, waiting, more or less, for Gabe’s approval to deliver the full healing that would knock Sam unconscious.

            “See?” Gabe smiled, leaning closer, “I’ll be here when you wake up and you won’t feel like a sack of broken meat when you do.”

            “What if I don’t wake up?” Sam’s brow furrowed, eyes still leaking against his will, tears tracking down in trails past his ears into his dark hair.

            Gabe frowned, all smirk gone from his expression, he brushed away the tears streaming endlessly from Sam’s hazel-green eyes, “Sammy, I won’t let that happen,” he ignored the straight up scowl from Dean, and leaned forward and kissed Sam’s forehead, “Gonna be a good sleep, Cassie’s healing spells are the best.”

            “K,” Sam slurred, seemingly absorbing the touch and lurched out a hand that grasped Gabe’s free hand firmly and when Gabe squeezed as if to move away Sam nearly pulled him forward, “D-Don’t leave…”

            “Okay, okay,” Gabe answered, uncharacteristically gentle, brushing back Sam’s hair and combing through the shorter than he remembered strands, “Take a breath, you’re okay,” he kissed his forehead again, and it wasn’t just to piss off Dean, he could feel the anxiety in Sam’s limbs, a sick vibration that the angel recognized like a beacon. “Sleep is good Sammy, you’ll feel a lot better and then you can scream at me all you want when you wake up. I know you will, who wouldn’t?”

            “No, I won’t,” Sam hiccoughed, “When you died…you tried to make things right…and I couldn’t stop it…when we’d talked you said you wouldn’t…you promised you’d stay away from Lucifer…”

            Gabe’s eyes only momentarily cut to Dean’s, he knew the younger Winchester was gonna out them both if he didn’t stop it and in Sam’s fevered state he wasn’t sure that was what he wanted, “All a part of the job, huh moosey? Sure it was a bust, but it doesn’t matter. I’m here now, let Cas work his magic.”

            “Gabe, no,” Sam argued feverishly, “N-No…”

            “Yeah, kid, you need to sleep, Cas, come on,” he brushed a thumb over Sam’s bottom lip as if signing a deal, and smiled when Sam pressed into the touch.

            Cas pressed two fingers to Sam’s damp brow and closed his eyes, in moments the human was out, “He should sleep for several hours, that will only do him good.”

            “I don’t care which one of you boys do it, but I’m getting a fucking explanation on all of this,” Mary Winchester growled menacingly.

            Dean huffed in exhaustion, “I will Mom, I promise, everything, but it’s late. Bottom line? We’re safe, Sammy’s safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please reviews guys, it MAKES me write!


	3. I'll Stand By You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new family gets to know each other, Dean, Cas, Mary discuss Gabe and Sam. Dean and Cas get over their bullshit. Gabe and Sam bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowsa never thought people would love this so much! I've NEVER written Sabriel!!! So thank you for the reviews, kudos and bookmarks!!! I love you guys!!! Enjoy the fluffffffff!!!! *hugs!* I'm sure I need to edit I will do so!!!

The room had fallen into a careful silence, Mary sat on the edge of the bed and pressed a palm to her youngest’s tepid cheek, “What did they do to him?”

            “From what I could tell, they burned him, shocked him…but my main concern was that crazy mind drug.” Gabriel answered quickly.

            She stood up straight, shaking her hands at her side and clenching her fists. She bent at the waist and kissed Sam firmly on the forehead.

            “Mom, I know this is a lot, as in…a lot a lot….” Dean started, “I know that, why don’t you wait in the kitchen, and I’ll tell you everything, please?”

            “Just like your Dad,” she shook her head, it was a mixture of fondness and sadness, “Don’t be long,” she pointed a finger at all three of the men, “I’m not going to bed without an explanation.”

            “Mom, I said I would,” Dean answered, nodding his head shakily, and was shocked when both angels were doing the same in unison.

            As she left the room Cas took a breath, “Gabriel,” he said, turning to his brother, “W -when did you return?”

            “A few days ago. I just…woke up in this field. Took me a few seconds to realize that I’d been dead. Hell, since I was alone I even spread my wings just to see if it was all real. I started feeling out for you, for the Winchesters, anyone I could think of and I felt this ping. I don’t even know how but I did. And I found Sammy in that place in Missouri. I don’t know why that’s the first energy I felt. What happened to you Cas? You’ve changed, not a little but a lot.”

            “A lot of things have happened Gabriel,” Cas shuddered, “Most recently I was possessed by Lucifer.”

            “What?!”

            “Hey guys, can we have a pow wow maybe after…”

            “No,” Gabriel grated, “What did he do to you Cassie?”

            Dean was breathing just as unevenly because until now they hadn’t had one chance to discuss what the devil had done to Cas. If he’d tortured him? Dean didn’t know.

            “Enough…he did enough…” Cas gulped, “I-I thought surely…when Dean said you were alive it was another trick…not at your hand…”

            “When did you think I might be alive Cas?”

            “Some time ago. Metatron, tricked me into thinking you needed my help,” Cas said, shaking his head, “It’s another long story that happened after you died. He made me think that you were alive…that…somehow you’d been in hiding all this time. And I was so foolish…I believed it. But I am a fool…seems I always have been.”

            Gabe wasn’t sure why, maybe it was the shock of being alive, or just the shock of the situation in general but he gathered his little brother in his arms, “Cas.”

            “I was such a fool,” Cas shuddered, returning the embrace, “I’ve let my emotions take hold too many times and it has cost me. You’d think I would have learned, but then Lucifer…I thought I was doing the right thing, being a useful tool… like the idiot I am. I know you might not believe this but I missed you. I know that if Lucifer had not gotten to you, you would have helped us.”

            Gabriel could feel Cas didn’t want to delve into this new ‘Lucifer’ thing that of course he’d been clueless about. Again, not really fair that good ole Dad dropped him off in the middle of nowhere without explanation or information about his youngest brother, “No, Cassie, you aren’t an idiot, you’re better than any of us, _because_ you feel. You get that? You’re one of the reasons that made me change the way I feel about humans, when I should have been feelin’ that way from the beginning. You caused a ripple little brother, in a good way.” he pulled away just enough to pat the side of Cas’ flushed face, “We’ve got time to fix things now between us, and as for the rest of our ‘brothers and sisters’ they can go fuck themselves.” he hugged him close once more, “Why don’t you and Deano talk to mama bear before she conjures up Dad knows what to melt us all. She’s a looker, but she’s scary.”

            Cas gave a wet chuckle, and moved towards Dean.

            “Keep an eye on him,” Dean warned, but it was softer this time, lacking the malice it held before.

            “Of course, I’m not gonna leave his side and if he needs anything I’ll get you guys or your mom,” Gabriel replied without humor, “Go on.”

            “Come on Cas,” Dean reached out with one hand, and then clearing his throat, tucked it at his side. However, the angel followed him out the bedroom door and it was obvious that he had not missed the gesture.

            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            As soon as they were outside of the bedroom Cas cleared his throat, eyes down and then he opened his mouth to speak, “Dean I…” but then he was being spun around, silenced by a bruising kiss and he whimpered, knees going weak and he was pressed against the wall. Firm, strong hands holding him up. And then he was returning the kiss, breathlessly so, opening his mouth up, welcoming Dean inside. When their tongues met Cas groaned, it was like liquid velvet.

            Dean’s mind was blank, only filled with need, he held Cas up against the concrete wall, their hips brushing and mouths locked. Oh, and Cas fit so well against him, slotted to him like a puzzle piece, his legs between Dean’s bowed stance. If his mother had not been in the room when they had initially met, if Sammy hadn’t been missing, this, this is what would have happened and more. They kissed just like this, frantic, and mindless for a few minutes before those kisses melted into something that mimicked exhaustion and relief. Dean pulled away, panting, eyes closed, forehead still leaning into Cas’ space, cradling his face. He brushed both thumbs to Cas’ temples, and left a kiss there, “Please tell me you were thinking about doing that too…”

            Cas took a shuddering breath, “You have no idea how long…since I pieced you together, since I held your soul in my palms.”

            “Jesus,” Dean whispered, voice hoarse and broken, he captured his mouth again, slower this time. He nipped his bottom lip and then growled softly, “We gotta talk to Mom and then you and I are gonna do more of this, got it?”

            Cas swallowed roughly, Adams apple bobbing, “Yes, yes please, more of this…”

            When they entered the kitchen, obviously flustered, Mary eyed them suspiciously, “I made us some doctored coffee, figured after today, we could all use it.”

            Dean chuckled under his breath, “Thanks Mom.”

            “So come on, spill,” she demanded in a softer tenor, “You’ve known…Cas, right?”

            When the angel nodded she continued, “You’ve known Cas for years now, and that in there who rescued Sammy is an archangel?”

            “Yeah, I’ve known Cas for 8 or so years now he uh…he rescued me from hell. And Gabriel in there, we used to know him as the Trickster. He’d been in hiding, at the time it almost seemed ridiculous but when you get to know the angels you can figure out pretty damn quick why he didn’t like hanging out with his siblings.” He went on to explain the first time they’d dealt with Lucifer, that Dean and Sam were vessels then. That it had been stopped once more, and then it was an explanation of win after win, loss after loss. Dean did his best to spare details of certain instances, many of them were Sam’s place to talk about. Namely Lucifer and his time soulless. And meeting Lucifer again, he was sure that was one of the fears that were fueling his panic now, drugs or no drugs pumping through his system.

            Mary took a deep gulp of her whiskey laced drink, “Wow, this makes my head hurt, are you saying that there are dangerous angels… and demons and monsters you can trust?”

            “None of those dangerous things can get in here, and to be honest, the other archangels have been taken out so, I wouldn’t worry about that Mom. Our recent win against the Darkness? I have a feeling the other angels are gonna keep their dick mouths shut.”

            “So I can see that you and Cas here are really close,” Mary began, “Really close…but what about Sam and this Gabriel, how long have they known each other and did he say he’d been dead….” she gave a laugh, “Of course what does that mean…”

            Dean was trying to figure that one out himself as well, their apparent closeness, “I guess they were closer than I thought…but he didn’t tell me about it. It all makes sense now why he was sulking for weeks after he died. I blamed it all on the fact that he was terrified of Lucifer.”

            “Well, what I saw in there and at the hotel, that is not ‘just friends’,” Mary stifled a laugh when Dean’s eyes went wide, and his brow scrunched up. It reminded her of when he was a little boy and something genuinely confused him, that, or scared him.

            “T-That’s ridiculous he would have told me,” he turned to Cas as if searching for an explanation in his narrowed, not so shocked blue eyes, “Right?”

            “Dean, you know why he wouldn’t have told you.” Cas added, his face saying it all, “Gabriel was wont to play tricks…they were often cruel.” he said to Mary, but he stopped there, for now he was afraid there would be a limit to how much knowledge Mary Winchester really needed at this point, “But Sam and him must have grown a bond that neither one of us was aware of.”

            “This is a lot,” Mary sighed, scrubbing at her face, “Like you said…a lot a lot…”

            “Maybe we should pick up on this in the morning, or hell in a week. It’s late Mom, you’re exhausted,” Dean said, reaching across the table and taking her hand, squeezing it between both of his own.

            For the first time since they’d met in the park, her eyes were tearing up, “Why do I have a feeling you have an Encyclopedia’s worth of crap to tell me more so than you’ve already done.”

            Dean gave an understanding smile, “I know you’re overwhelmed, but I think some sleep would do us all good.”

            She drained the remainder of her cup and nodded, “I hadn’t realized how tired I was until now.”

            “Well, it’s almost two in the morning, there’s several bedrooms in the hall, two empty ones at the very end. Our rooms are in the middle. I’ll set you up a bed, all the blankets are in the storage room, not too bad actually. Mattresses are nice too.”

            “That would nice sweetie,” Mary smiled, pushing up from the kitchen table.

            Dean gathered up some things he thought she’d need, toiletries, a lamp, a radio, sheets, he knew he’d have to go clothes shopping, “If you need anything, I’m just down the hall, third door down.”

            She nodded, and pulled him close again, “If Sammy wakes up, you wake me up, alright? I need to speak with him.” her voice got watery again with that statement.  
            “’Course Mom, of course I will,” he squeezed her tight and then let her go.

 

            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

            He had non-verbally asked Cas to wait in his room, so it was to no surprise he found the angel siting on the edge of his bed. When Cas looked up, glassy blue eyes wide and concerned, dark hair a mess in a way Dean hadn’t seen in years, he melted. Dean simply crossed the room, bowed his back and while cradling Cas’ face between both hands he kissed him. He felt lively blood flow through him. Cas made a tiny whimper that almost had Dean losing it, and when the angel raised his hands up to grip Deans’ he felt complete. It was exhilarating to have this all-powerful being going boneless once more underneath his fingertips, it made his own mind feel like a puddle of gooey satisfaction. He stayed in that position, kissing the angel into near unconsciousness until his back protested, “I don’t know about you sweetheart, but I need sleep.”

            A ripple of goosebumps littered Cas’ flesh with the endearment, “I could sleep, yes, my vessel is exhausted. I never really got a chance to recover…after all that…everything moved so fast.”

            Dean nodded, closing his eyes and kissing one cheek, and then the other, his spit slicked lips, and then his forehead. He wanted to ask Cas all the questions that had been driving him mad all the time he was away from Dean, but he couldn’t, not now, “Well, then, you’re resting, sleeping here with me.” Dean didn’t even ask, he knelt down and started undoing the laces on Cas shoes.

            “Dean…” Cas may or may not have trembled at the caring gesture.

            “Just let me Cas,” Dean whispered, kissing one clothed knee cap, he wanted to spiral madly into a ‘I’ve done you so terribly wrong’ rant, but he knew they’d talk eventually. Just not now. For now, sleep. He freed Cas of his shoes and socks, then moved up from the floor, shimmying his tie away, pushing the trench-coat off his shoulders along with the suit jacket. When Cas looked confused Dean simply answered, “You can’t sleep in layers Cas, you know that.”

            Cas was about to protest that he was not bothered by some temperatures the way humans were, but then if he were to speak that aloud he wouldn’t have this beautiful man undressing him. The gentle caresses to his flesh. And that would be wrong to deny Dean such a thing. So Dean continued, gentle, nimble fingers working the buttons from their slots. Cas did not dismiss the fact that Dean seemed breathless once he’d successfully freed him of most his clothes, and then the shudder was unmistakable when he asked Cas to lift his hips to free him of his slacks. Cas laid back and allowed Dean to strip him from his confining clothes.

            Dean pressed kisses to both warm thighs as he tossed the slacks and he grinned viciously when Cas seemed to squirm and gave a muffled laugh, with that action Dean knew that he’d hit a ticklish spot. For now he left it alone, “You wanna borrow my stuff?” Dean asked with a smile, moving his small dresser drawer.

            Cas nodded, skin still tingling with all the touch he was gifted with tonight, “Y-Yes I’d like that.”

            “Black Sabbath it is,” he said, pulling a shirt from the drawer, again, without asking he slipped the cloth over Cas’ torso and as Cas dark mop popped from the neck hole he kissed his lips that earned him a rare laugh from the angel, “Okay let’s turn in. I’m shot.”

            Dean undressed quickly and pulled on similar clothes, he turned the sheets down and right out laughed when Cas looked unsure of what to do. He patted the sheets, “Come on angel, let’s sleep. Let’s get horizontal.”

            With permission, Cas slid in beside Dean and inhaled in pleasure as Dean tugged the sheets and blanket up around them both. They stared at one another for what seemed like eternity and just as Cas was about to speak up Dean whispered low, exhausted, but so full of emotion, “I’m so sorry it took me so long to do this. To let you know…you’re so much more than a ‘brother’ that was a cop out…I just didn’t want to hurt you because I knew…I knew something bad was gonna happen. And then when Billie showed up and said I’d be the bomb, I really couldn’t tell you…Cas, I’m so sorry.”

            Cas frowned, and bridged the space between them, “Doesn’t matter, we’re here now.” he pulled him in for a kiss, and then with weak protest, he ushered Dean into his arms and held him close, pressing kisses into his hair. It didn’t take long and Dean’s breaths were full and deep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            For the longest time Gabriel fiddled in the arm chair, not sure what to do. He was exhausted, he knew he wasn’t up to full power and that was why the human need 'to lie down’ kept nagging at him. He kept nodding off but it never turned into slumber. He was too wired to sleep, every few seconds he would tilt his head to study Sammy’s face that was buried beneath the cotton blanket, just the tips of his eyelashes were visible amongst the dark brown tendrils of his hair. The last time he’d seen Sam they exchanged ‘witty’ banter, when all he wanted to do was hug the big kid close and kiss the absolute hell out of him. And then with that last conversation between him, with Lucifer in the room, he didn’t want him to leave. He thought for sure he could trick his way out of this. As the blade penetrated him a sob worked its way up his throat and was clogged and stopped by terror. And then it was blackness, nothing, and he was waking up in a field.

            This made him swing his legs up into the chair, hugging his knees and scrubbing his face with his hands. They had been friends. Best friends might have been pushing it since they had their issues, but they were close. He was always there when Sammy felt lost, when Dean was off on a mission or for all they BOTH knew, banging Cas, that had always been Gabe’s guess.

            Bottom line. Sammy was lonely, but when he was around the kid he smiled. Sam smiled, laughed, in that loud goofy way that had Gabriel losing control. It was hunts when Dean wasn’t available, it was movies when Sam couldn’t stand being alone. And in many of those instances, Sam would fall asleep against him. Chest rising and falling so beautifully, so relaxed, so content. In rare instances, Sam would wrap his giganto limbs around the angel and in utter contentment sleep for eight hours or more and Gabe was happy to hold him for the duration given that it was a rarity at the time.

            It had taken everything in his power not to beg Sam to simply leave with him, that night in the hotel when Lucifer was near, expected to show. To just run away, they could have gone anywhere, any realm, any planet. But knowing the big moose, that was a pipe dream.

            His thoughts were skewered when Sam moaned. Gabe glanced at the clock and it was nearing 6 in the morning.

            “N-No,” Sam muttered, swallowing loudly and Gabe could hear the gulp as he squirmed in the sheets, tangling them around his limbs, “G-Get off me…don’t…please…hurts”  
            After getting some of the information on what had happened since he’d died. He knew that Lucifer had taken Sam. Gabe knew Luci. Knew what he was capable of so his heart was beating madly in his chest at the idea, the thoughts of what Lucifer had put Sam through. Lucifer could take it so many ways, right down physical or manipulate a being mentally until they cracked. No matter what it was, Gabriel felt nauseated because he knew what that entailed because Lucifer delighted in bringing humans down to his sick level. Their lowest. And as Sam continued to moan ‘I don’t want this’ he thought he might be sick.

            He eased himself down on the bed, trying his best not to have the springs creak, “Sammy, hey, Sammy, you’re safe.”

            “S’let me go, please, d-don’t, don’t,” Sam sobbed in his sleep, and then his arms were up over his head in defense.

            Gabriel carefully leaned over and slow as anything he’d ever done he eased Sam’s arms away from his head, gentle pressure on his forearms, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he did so, “No one is here Moosey, you have to hold onto my voice. No one can hurt you here, you’re safe.” Gabe’s heart leapt when he saw Sam’s eyes start to peel open and they were leaking tears without permission.

            “Gabe…” his voice sounded clearer, and this was evident that he had some semblance of understanding when his brow furrowed and his lips twitched.

            “Hey Sammich,” Gabe smiled, keeping one hand on Sam’s forearm and the other was continually brushing hair away from Sam face, “How ya feeling?”

            Sam gulped, smacking his lips, “Thirsty…” was the first thought to verbally leave his head, his throat felt like sand-paper. For just a moment he wasn’t sure why, and then he knew, it was from screaming. His heart leapt and his chest hiccupped.

            “Okay, okay, kiddo, let me get you some water,” Gabe moved away from the bed, hurrying into the adjoining bathroom and filling a glass. He returned to the bed and while cradling the back of Sam’s skull he eased the lip of the glass to Sam’s mouth. He drank so greedily Gabe had to pull away, “Whoa, whoa, there Samsquatch, don’t want you getting sick. Easy, easy,” he offered the glass again and Sam obeyed, no longer gulped. When he was done he fell back to the bed, heavily breathing.

            “Is that really you?” Sam trembled, hazel eyes locked on Gabriel’s golden, “I-I’m not hallucinating this? I’ve seen so many things…I…”

            “No, Sammy,” Gabriel perched on the side of the bed, leaning into his space, “I’m all real. I know people have explained this a million times, but you were kind of looney tunes soooo…Dean isn’t dead, he got Dad and Auntie to make up and voila, big brother lives and Dad seemed to think it was a good idea that I be alive too. That might have been for your benefit.” he winked.

            “How can I be sure, because I remember Gabe,” Sam’s huge, hazel, green, blue, they could be so many colors at once, filled with tears, “We came back to that hotel, and there were wings…your wings burned all over the floor…I knew them…and I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t…and you were gone.”

            “Sammy,” Gabe quaked, trying to steady his voice, “I know…and I never got to say goodbye to you, who knew my last words would be to Kali” he lowered his gaze, “I cared about her I did” and then he locked eyes with his human “But not like you, never like you…I thought I could take my brother, ya know?” his eyes were leaking without his control, his eyes shimmering like ripe wheat, he merely shook his head as if to play it off, but then one large hand was reaching up and brushing away the wetness.

            “I thought I could too,” Sam spoke so softly Gabriel hardly heard it spoken at all, “I thought I could and I failed…and then he hurt Cas. I failed so many times Gabe, so many times, Lucifer hurt so many…and he took you from me…and I couldn’t…I can’t…believe…”

            Gabriel didn’t hesitate anymore, he situated himself beneath the covers and drew Sam into his arms. The notion always made him want to laugh, he’d always been the smaller man. Sam was 6’4, muscle on muscle and here Gabe was wrapping the man up in his arms and securing him to his chest. He’d only been like this a couple times in their relationship, friendship, whatever this was. When the idea of Lucifer possessing him loomed, there was ONE time that Sam fell completely apart, and that had been when their relationship had changed. Because like now, Gabe had wrapped him up in blankets and held him like a lover might, dotting kisses endlessly into his hair with promises that everything would be alright. Even though it wasn’t.

            “Sammy,” Gabriel murmured against one ear, and he felt Sam tremble, “None of that matters now. We’re here, both here. I’m so happy I found you kid. I don’t know why either. I woke up and all I could sense was you. That you were in pain, that you needed someone.”

            “If I’d know you were alive I’d have called to you…” Sam was crying now, there was no denying, and he was too exhausted to care, “But I was alone…Dean…”

            “Dean is alive, Sammy boy, he has already threatened my life twice. Cas is too and…well, I don’t know if you know this or could really know what’s going on, but Dad or Amara brought your mama back too.”

            Sam’s head lurched up from Gabe’s chest, “What?!”

            “Yeah, she’s sleeping right now, in this bunker,” when he felt Sam moving he pulled him back, “Hey, hey, hey moosey, don’t make me leash you. I’ll uselessly use my powers that I’ve been resting just to keep you here in bed. You need to rest, Cassie said so, and Dean will KILL me if you come to any harm. Besides, she’s sleeping. She was in here, talked to you while you were comatose, she ain’t going anywhere.”

            “Gabe…you’re not lying?” Sam’s eyes were impossibly wide and wet.  
            Gabe frowned, and he couldn’t help himself, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Sam’s and as expected Sam squeaked. Always did when they kissed as brief as those kisses were, they never went beyond that, even though they wanted more. But they hadn’t had the chance after that motel in the boonies, “I wouldn’t lie to you Sammy…she’s here, she’s safe and she’ll be here in the morning.

            And Sam broke. Gabe predicted it was coming to that edge of lost control. Sam fell against him, arms wrapping around him like an octopus, “I don’t understand,” he cried.

            “Don’t need to right now, kiddo, just need to rest, you’re safe.”

            “What did they stick in me?! I was so scared, I-I didn't know what was real...what wasn't...a-and I couldn't walk..” Sam sobbed, gasping and guffawing loudly.

            “LSD, sweetheart, but it’s gone now. Cassie got it all out of your system, healed up your leg and foot. All this is real,” he hiked the blankets higher, creating a cocoon, “I’m staying right here with you, not leaving, so sleep.”

            Despite the trill of fear pumping in Sam’s veins, his heart palpitating like a ping pong ball in his chest, he found his breath. He clung to the angel beneath him, for a moment believing he was real. He felt real, smelled real. That sweet, musky scent that so many nights, back in those days before Lucifer, had lulled him smartly to sleep. When Dean was gone, absent, off doing his own thing. When Sam was so lonely he would cry, the angel was always there. To help him with hunts, to nurse a hangover, to hold him when he cried about this or that. Sometimes about Jess, sometimes about Dad, always about Lucifer.   

            “Sammy, Sammy, Sammy,” Gabriel murmured, lips brushing against his temple and then pressing to his cheek, “Sleep, I don’t have the juice to knock you out, but I’m here.” he carded fingers through the man’s hair. A weak point that sent shivers and goosebumps over his flesh and had him heaving soft, contented breaths. Now was no different.

            “Please don’t be gone in the morning, like it used to be, please…” Sam begged, yes begged, “I don’t care if Dean sees us…I don’t want you to go. I don’t care if he knows….please.”

            “Well, Sammy boy, I’m pretty sure your big bro has his own angel a.k.a my baby bro. So he has no opinion whatsoever…plus, I think your mom already sees it and if she does? Rest of the bunker knows. Doesn’t matter though, that’s between us.” Gabe settled them back further, laying flatter to the mattress, he snapped his fingers, flooding the room with the sounds of waves, “I know this is your favorite white noise sweetheart, so sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up and every morning after if you’ll have me.”

            Sam closed his eyes tightly, the last few weeks washing over him. The torture at the hands of the Men of Letters members. The smell of scorched flesh and violent voices assaulting him. Memories from hell lurching up and threatening to take him down all laced with Lucifer's damning tone. It was swirling, rising and then Gabe kissed his cheek. Sam angled his face upwards and kissed him on the mouth and the voices stopped, “Don’t leave…” he couldn’t help it as he repeated the pathetic please.

            “Never, moosey, I’m here to stay, angry brother or not.” he snapped his fingers once more, the lights lowered but he knew better than to encase the room in darkness. He scratched Sam’s scalp, sending waves of grace from his hair line down his spine, all the way down to his toes. He sent the calming waves with gentle nudges until Sam had his face buried in the space of Gabe’s shoulder, his breath sweet and huffy. With that Gabe was able to fall asleep for the first time in 100 years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> preeeety please with Sammy puppy eyes on top review!!!


	4. Emotional Band-Aids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam finally gets to meet his mother, and the new family bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I did NOT think I'd get a chapter out so quick but I saw a tumblr post, and if you follow me you know those make me write like a fiend! So here it is! I LOVE this chapter it is fluffy, angsty, everything you guys deserve! Love you guys!!! Thank you for the reviews, kudos, and bookmarks!!!

_Was there a purgatory for angels? This floating, seemingly bodiless existence could only be some kind of purgatory. It was existing but it wasn’t existing. But he could feel the vibrations of his vocal chords, his voice returning, and then for the first time in perhaps, a thousand years, he was begging. “Please dad hear me. I know you’re out there, you have to be out there. I can’t be dead, this can’t be it. I never got to tell him, I never got to say goodbye. I miss him, I miss him so much” This world was murky, this place was encased in fog and he felt as if he were suspended in the humid air, but he wasn’t sure how that was possible. “Dad please!” he was so lonely, and dad help him, scared. He was scared. It seemed to happen over and over, the blade plunging into his chest, and Lucifer’s cold stare. It was the last thing he could remember seeing, not Sammy’s hazel eyes, flecked with every color possible, like a perfectly color speckled marble. He couldn’t even scream in that moment, it happened so fast. And then his wings were sprung, he gasped, and continued to plead silently to a father that would never answer. Then nothing._

_Until now._

_The sky was impossibly blue; he could feel the sharp blades of wheat sticking him everywhere. Touch seemed so much more powerful. He pushed himself up from the ground, his eyes falling on the palms of his hand, he felt over his face and throat, and chest. No entry wound there, no blood, nothing. Just smooth, unblemished skin. He sat for a moment, gaining his bearings. He felt exhausted. That was another new sensation he hadn’t experienced in millennia. He tried to stand and nearly fell on his ass. There was a humming in his head he couldn’t identify, and then it flashed red and he felt pain. Not his own but someone else’s. It rolled over him again and again, and then he knew where it was coming from. And then he knew who it was. Sammy._

_Sammy._

_Then he had a thought. Dad had heard him. Dad had answered him in the best way possible._

            Gabriel gasped only slightly as he came barreling out of the vivid dream. The brush of a voice just on the surface that felt like a smile a ‘you’re welcome’. If that even made sense, as if someone had just been speaking to him. It almost sounded like Dad, but he couldn’t be sure it had been so long since they’d last spoke. If he could remember correctly, it was the time he spoke to Mary the virgin. Or so Dad had said anyway, honestly he thought it was just a writer’s preference. Just before he began to question reality, the warm weight above him scattered away any fears he might have had before. He took a deep breath, and kissed the dark mane beneath his chin. Sam shifted in his sleep, his arms tightening around the archangel and a soft moan escaped his throat. They’d finally fallen asleep once more, Gabriel wasn’t sure what time it was, but he knew it had to be nearing noon.

            Sam moved again, nuzzling in between the space of Gabe’s neck and shoulder, of which only made Gabriel smile. Using a small amount of grace, he peeked into Sammy’s mind and found peacefulness, when he’d feared that he would find the dark images there. He was sure that would come later. He _knew_ that would come later. For now he put that on the back burner, he had never been more thankful than he was right now. And he wasn’t even sure why he was allowed this. It was as if Dad had given him more than a second chance, he wondered if he had brought down the wards on Sammy’s ribs so he could find him. So with that thought he wondered if he’d heard his prayers, his pleas. Cause that didn’t seem like a dream, it seemed like a memory.

            “I’m here Sammy,” he soothed when Sam moaned.

            Sam inhaled deeply and immediately recognized the scent beneath him, oh, it hadn’t been a dream? His mind was oddly clear of the terror he’d been subjected to the last few days, weeks, he really wasn’t sure at the moment. He lifted his head, propping his chin up, blinking the sleep out of his eyes, “Gabe…”

            “Yeah Sammich, it’s me. Told you I wasn’t going anywhere.” he smiled.

            “Thought maybe I’d dreamt it,” Sam tried to huff a laugh, but he couldn’t quite grasp it. It had been a long time since he’d had this lack of control over his emotions, at least since he was a kid anyway. But looking up into Gabriel’s honey colored eyes was almost too much, “S-So you don’t know…how you got here? Chuck told us, he couldn’t rebuild you…he couldn’t bring you back.”

            Gabriel gave a shrug, trying to make the mood light as Sam’s eyes had watered over, “Dad must have known you needed me. That’s all I can guess, doesn’t really matter though. I’m so glad I found you first.”

            Sam pushed himself up to sit, scrubbing at his face so he could properly look over the archangel, “I-I feel like I’m dreaming still, my head is still fuzzy.”

            “Only thing about intense angel healing, leaves you a little hung over,” Gabriel said, “You remember anything from last night, or this morning?”

            “Little bit,” Sam near whispered and then his eyes went wide, “My mom, you said something about my mom? Is that right?”

            “Whoa, whoa, yeah, your Mom is alive, kiddo, I wasn’t lying and you weren’t dreaming,” Gabriel smiled, steadying the man with both hands grasping his forearms.

            Tears sprung to his eyes, “Where is she?”

            “Sleeping, it’s okay Sammy,” Gabriel soothed, and then he was cut off when Sam pulled him into his arms which caused him to ‘oof’. That was one of the many reasons he craved physical affection from Sam, when you were hugged the man, you knew it.

            “Until now…I thought it was just another hallucination, for days I didn’t know what was real,” he was crying again and he didn’t care, “I saw so many things…Mom burning…Jess… y-you on the ground…your wings burnt everyone I’ve ever cared about screaming at me. That I shouldn’t be alive, that I should kill myself…and-and I’m a failure…I-I…”

            “None of those things are true,” Gabriel rubbed his back and rubbed a firm thumb over the nape of his neck, “That’s all the wrong shit that’s floating around in your head Sammy boy. I know for a fact your bro has been through hell, but kiddo? You have shouldered a helluva lot too, and for some dumb reason you think you’re a failure. Well if it takes until the end of time I’m gonna make sure you know how important you are, got it?”

            Sam sobbed louder, his chest and eyes sore from doing so. It felt like years and years of pent up anger and grief, “N-Not just those things but…I-I’m dirty, I’m tainted. Lucifer…I-I hadn’t started remembering things until…until we met in the cage again. There were some t-things he said…” and then he couldn’t breathe again, “Gabe…”

            “Shhh,” Gabe stopped him with a loud shush, “You don’t need to talk about that if you don’t want to. You’re not dirty or tainted, whatever happened that wasn’t something you wanted. My brother is a sick fuck, bottom line…whatever it was…whatever happened that’s not your fault.”

            Sam stopped talking after that and just allowed Gabriel to hold him, and rock him. This was a scenario that was not foreign to either person. There were many times Sam found himself alone and called to Gabriel, he wasn’t proud of it but sometimes he was drunk and crying like an idiot. And Gabe always showed up with an open ear and open arms.

            “Take a breath Sammy, you’re safe now.” Gabe kissed the side of his head, “Deep breaths.”

            It took him a few moments but he regained some semblance of control, “He’s still out there,” Sam gulped, loosening their embrace so he could wipe tears away, but Gabe was already on it, scooping away the wetness beneath his red and swollen eyes.

            “Yeah, and when I find him I’m gonna smite his ass.” Gabe growled, tucking Sam’s hair away from his face behind his ears, “But let’s not worry about that huh? You need to eat, and if it’s as late as I think it is, I’ve gotta deliver you to your mom. She seems cool with me because I saved you, but other than that I think she’d nuke me if she thought for a second you weren’t alright.”

            Sam nodded, sniffing roughly, “I bet I look awful.”

            “Beautiful as always Sammich,” Gabriel winked and kissed his cheek, “Come on, you think you can walk?”

            “Think so,” Sam gave a shuddering sigh, the result of crying far too much.

            Gabe leapt up from the bed and reached out both hands, “Little at a time, baby moose steps.” For the first time since they reunited Sam gave a small laugh and sent all kinds of happy through Gabriel’s body. Sam was a bit wobbly on his feet, but was standing none the less.

            “I think I’m okay to walk,” Sam answered Gabriel’s worried expression, “I’m gonna splash some water on my face, give me a sec,” he walked slowly into the bathroom, leaving the door open. He avoided the mirror, the memory of faking a suicide flashing across his mind. He ran the water warm, the thought of cold water making his stomach lurch. He pooled it in his hands rested his face in the tepid water. He hurriedly brushed his teeth to remove the feel of cotton and ran both sets of fingertips through his hair and returned to the bedroom. He still couldn’t believe he was looking down at Gabriel, that silly smirk adorning his face, one he remembered fondly.

            “You okay? You’re looking a little like a deer in the head-lights.”

            Sam huffed another quiet laugh and Gabe took his hand, “I’m good…well, ya know as good as I can be right now. Can I ask you something before we go out there?”

            “Anything, kiddo,” Gabe’s brow furrowed.

            “W-would it be okay if I kissed you?”

            Any worry marring Gabriel’s face melted and he was smiling, “You never have to ask me that again.”

            Sam bent deep at the waist, almost forgetting just how short Gabe was, and pressed their lips together. He was a little nervous at first but when Gabriel deepened the kiss, pulling him closer, he melted. Sam cradled Gabriel’s face in his hands as if he needed to be grounded, his heart beating fast and his still shaky limps trembling even more. He kept it as chaste as he could, only adding the tiniest of tongue, but when he did Gabriel made a small whining noise that, if he weren’t thinking of his mother, he might push the angel to the bed. Sam moved back and ran a thumb over the now wet mouth.

            “Wow, Sammy, I forgot how good you were at this,” Gabriel felt a little breathless, blinking his eyes to clear his vision.

            “Can we talk more about this later?”

            “Of course,” Gabriel managed to get his tongue moving again, “Let’s meet your mama.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            As soon as Sam entered the kitchen, he saw Dean and Cas sitting at the table, “Sammy, thank God, I was just about to go in there! It’s almost noon!” Sam was nearly knocked off his feet when Dean collided into him with a desperate embrace, “You scared me so bad. Jesus, I haven’t seen you like that since…”

            “I know Dean, I know,” Sam swallowed hard to keep the tears back, holding Dean in return just as hard as he was hugging Sam. They lingered in their signature ‘we didn’t die’ embrace until Dean was pulling away.

            “Are you alright? How are you feeling?”

            Sam gave a fond smile, Dean would always be the big brother there was no changing that, “I-I’m alright, tired, a little confused, but I’m alright. Thanks for that Cas…”

            Cas gave a nod, “Of course Sam. I’m glad I was able to heal you...I’m so sorry that I-” the angel was cut off when the younger brother wrapped his arms around him so swiftly it actually startled him.

            Dean laughed, shaking his head, “Cas, hug back or he’s never lettin’ go.”

            As awkwardly as always Cas did just that.

            Sam only smiled, patting Cas’ cheek, he looked around the kitchen, heart thumping, “Where’s Mom, Gabe said…”

            And then there she was coming out of the pantry, arms full of milk and pancake mixture, but then she was shoving it onto the counter and much like Dean had she lurched into his arms. She was instantly crying and then Sam couldn’t hold it in anymore.

            “Mom, Mom, Mom,” he cried over and over, he wasn’t sure if he was hurting her with how tightly he was holding on, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, “I-I can’t believe…you’re here…I thought I dreamt it…”

            She was up as far as she could be on her toes, and her son had her almost off the floor all together, “I know sweetie, I thought that too. Hey, hey, let me look at you,” she urged him back some and took his face in her hands, thumbing away the tears, “You’re so big,” she gave a wet chuckle, “You were the tiniest little baby, smaller than Dean by far. You outgrew him just a little huh?”

            Sam’s laugh was just as broken, and the tears wouldn’t stop, “H-How is this possible?”

            “It was a gift from Amara,” Dean answered, taking his seat next to Cas again, “Who knew I could actually help people talk out their problems, huh? Amara and Chuck had their own little family pow wow and she set everything right. Bonus? We got Mom back.”

            Sam shook his head, his mind spinning with how out of this world this all felt. His mom was leading him to a chair and sat him down.

            “You’re too damn tall, like your Grandpa,” she chuckled again, with him sitting she could kiss his cheek and she pulled him close once more, “I know we have so much to talk about…but why don’t I make you boys breakfast first?”

            Desperately Sam sniffed away the tears, she kissed his forehead this time, one hand holding the back of his neck before she let him go.

            “See? Good as new,” Gabriel grinned triumphantly, he expected the scowl and roll of the eyes from Dean, but he didn’t expect for their mother to cross the space and hug him. It was brief and then she was leaning away, eyes still wet and she whispered ‘thank you’.

            “It was my pleasure,” Gabriel uttered nervously.

            “I’m glad to see Mom scares you,” Dean commented as Mary disappeared back into the pantry to retrieve items she’d forgotten.

            “Dean, don’t be unkind,” Cas scolded.

            Gabriel eyed the two carefully and it was only then that he noticed Cas was wearing Dean’s clothes. The man never changed, still old beat up band shirts and sweats, “So, Deano, Cassie, you two look _well_ rested, anything you wanna share with the rest of the class?” Gabriel was rewarded with Dean’s face going near crimson and eyes going comically wide, “Aaand there’s my answer.”

            “You are such a dick,” Dean snapped.

            “Gabe, come on,” Sam added, genuinely amused however, it was written all over Dean’s face and more, “They’ll tell us when they’re ready.” and he was smiling too, he knew if the last 48 hours hadn’t transpired Dean would probably be in Sam’s face. But since he’d escaped death again he was given leniency.

            “Dean,” Cas spoke low, his face feeling hot as well, “A-are you ashamed that…”

            “No!” Dean spat, and in a moment of bravery he reached over and grabbed Cas’ hand, “Look at me,” and blue eyes did indeed look up, “I’m not ashamed of us…just a little nervous is all about other people knowing.”

            “Guys, I’m happy for you, really.” Sam said, humor gone from his voice now as he could see that Dean was getting more than flustered and Cas looked upset.

            “Not ashamed,” Dean repeated, and even shocking himself, brought the hand he was holding up to his lips for a brief kiss, “Well, if we’re getting all personal and shit, what about you two? You seem a little too cozy for my taste. How long have you two been sleeping together? Before you know, that confrontation with Lucifer?”

            At first Sam sputtered but then just said, “I-It’s not like that, I mean, it’s not…we aren’t sleeping together.”

            “All in good time moosey,” Gabriel winked, taking a seat next to the increasingly blushing human, “What’s to be embarrassed about? Cassie has his human and I have mine, nothing wrong with that.”

            Sam bit the inside of his mouth, floundering for words, “I didn’t say it was wrong, I’m just a little afraid of what Mom might think if she knew…” he stopped in mid-sentence when Mary re-entered the kitchen.

            She rolled her eyes and shook her head, “You four do know I can hear right? I’m not _blind_ either, what, you think just because I’m 30 years behind in the times that I don’t know when someone has the hots for another person? You four are ridiculous. Dean,” she turned to her oldest, “I knew about you two the second you locked eyes. The only thing I was wondering about was how long you’d been together, you act like you two are already married. And you,” she pointed at Sam, “You’re a lot like your dad, you’re affectionate but only with people you care about. So stop acting like I’m this fragile thing that’s gonna shatter into a million pieces, with all the information I’ve been dealt, knowing you’re happy and dating is the last thing I’d be upset about. Boy or girl. If these, I still can’t believe I’m saying this, angels, make you boys happy? I’m happy. Word to the wise,” her eyes were on the angels now, pointing a spatula, “There’s a pretty big library here so I’m sure I can find something to fuck you two up if you hurt them? Are we clear?” she was greeted with utter silence and then both angels were nodding emphatically, “Good, Dean, you still like your eggs scrambled?”

            Dean cleared his throat nervously, “Y-Yeah Mom, scrambled is good.”

            “Do angels eat?”

            “We do not require it ma’am,” Cas answered promptly.

            “Your mom is cool as shit,” Gabriel laughed, situating himself in Sam’s lap and looping his arms around his shoulders without asking.

            Sam didn’t know why he expected anything less, Gabe was still the trickster there was no doubt there, but he couldn’t say that he wasn’t a little shocked that the archangel had outed both him _and_ his brother. That had been bold.

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

            Even though Sam had slept for hours on end it seemed, he was still exhausted. Also, even with the behest of his mother, he didn’t want to go to bed yet as it neared midnight. Didn’t want to be separated by his mother, not for a moment, right now anyway. He found himself staring at her, and he had apologized for it twice already. She only smiled and would grab his chin, giving him a squeeze, a fondness in her eyes. He wondered if this was something she did with Dad, or Dean. He wasn’t sure because he wouldn’t know. Despite all the worries swimming in his head right now, in this moment he felt content. His new family was camped out in the living room, with blankets and pillows and beer.

            Dean had suggested a movie night, insisting that that was the fastest way to get Mary familiar with 2016. They had agreed on a Star Wars marathon, and were currently on Return of the Jedi when Sam found himself dozing. It wasn’t hard given that his head was pillowed in Gabriel’s lap and Gabriel was continually combing his fingers through Sam’s hair, gliding fingernails across his scalp. He hadn’t had this in so long he almost didn’t remember what it felt like. Intimacy and safety all in one fell swoop. He thought that he might have fallen asleep so he did a quick eye sweep around the room. His Mom was curled up in the big, plush lounge chair, blanket around her, her cheek resting on the arm and obviously asleep. Even more of a shocker was Cas and Dean, caddy corner to the recliner sprawled out on the loveseat. Cas was still watching the screen intently in that oh so serious look on his face, intensely studying like he always was. But the kicker was Dean on top of him, both of their legs dangling off the edge of the couch, his cheek pressed to the angel’s chest, arm locked around his waist and asleep. As in peacefully sleeping in a way Sam hadn’t seen since they were kids, all the while Cas ran fingers up and down his spine, a seemingly unconscious gesture.

            “You think too loudly, ya know that?” Gabe whispered, so not to wake the sleeping parties of the room.

            Sam rolled onto his back, staring up into Gabe’s face, “Yeah, maybe I do.” he closed his eyes when Gabriel continued his gentle combing.

            “You need to sleep, the more of that you get the better. You might be healed up, but here,” he tapped his head, “Needs more rest.”

            Sam didn’t argue, only nodded, he turned on his side once more, but opposite away from the TV so he was nuzzling Gabriel’s stomach. He wasn’t sure when a blanket had been placed atop of him, but Gabriel was pulling it up higher, situating it around his shoulders and neck, “You promise you’re not going anywhere?” Sam slurred sleepily.

            “Not on my life, kiddo,” Gabriel answered, softly rapping a knuckle on Sam’s head which made him look up and he bent down and kissed him tenderly.

            Sam sighed into the kiss, all bad thoughts brushed away, if only for a few seconds. He felt safe. Right now, he did. The warm wet mouth against his assured this. He kissed back with more fervor and then Gabe was cradling his face and smiling once more.

            “Go to sleep. I’m feeling stronger I could whammy you if I wanted,” he winked, and kissed his lips again.

            Sam only nodded, too tired to argue, he resumed his nuzzling and Gabriel’s fingers returned to his scalp. He knew everything he’d endured would crop up, in sleep, in wakefulness and he would have to face it. Thing was, it wasn’t as scary to think about, knowing he had so many to keep him from sinking. He pushed it as far away as he could and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review, you know the drill and it makes me write more!


	5. Let's Talk About Consent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam talks (or more or less is triggered) about his torture at the hands of Lady Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a direct response to the new episode.....here we go again....not just dubious consent. But rape. So in ONE fell swoop (over the next couple chapters) I will be addressing Cas and Sam's rape. Please review. This chapter pained me and I do hope I did it well. Love you guys for all the reviews, kudos, and bookmarks  
> *warnings for mentions of rape and non/con*

            The next few days were spent recuperating and one thing that Gabe found disturbing was how chipper Sam was acting after two solid days of nothing but sleep. Gabe knew it wasn’t very peaceful sleeping, as in some moments he noticed, out of the corner of his eye, Sam was simply staring at the wall. Eyes unblinking and breathing uneven. He’d even intervened once or twice, leaning forward, bent at his waist, and Sam seemed startled as if he’d not realized he was there.

            Sam was the same way with his Mom, somber attitudes in some moments but then much too happy ones in the next. He didn’t talk to Dean about anything that had gone down. Not even anything as minute as the burns, stabs, or cuts. Gabe knew better. The things Sam called out in his sleep were disturbing. And it wasn’t all about Lucifer. He knew something had happened with Lucifer, there was no doubt there. Because Lucifer was a sick fuck. This was recent and it was much more than anything physical alone. It had to do with this blonde woman he had annihilated. He hadn’t even caught her name, all he knew was she had hurt Sam and he saw red.

            One warm evening, the family had decided to go out for dinner instead of staying in. They had been doing that a lot lately, it was a seemingly an unconscious request to stay hidden, or safe. Gabe couldn’t blame them, Sammy recently being saved and Mary back from the dead. Gabe found himself watching Sam nowadays, and not just for the pretty view. Sam didn’t steer away from touch, but he wasn’t exactly as receptive to it either. They had gone from mass amounts of affection to barely there touches. Gabe wanted him to talk, to tell him what happened. With Lucifer, with that British bitch. He just wanted him to talk.

            Currently they were at a family type bar, Mary, Cas and Dean were playing around with a videogame machine. Sam and Gabe fell back, sitting in the booth. Gabe held his hand underneath the table, running a thumb over his pulse point, “Sammy, how are you doing?”

            Sammy gave a smirk, that coupled with a shrug, “I’m fine, why?”

            Gabe frowned, “You don’t seem fine.”

            Sam’s brow narrowed, “You’re not…looking around in my head are you?”

            Gabriel did not mistake the suddenly fearful tone in his voice, “Of course not! I’d never do that to you!”

            Sam nodded, “O-Of course you wouldn’t…I know that…I-I’ll be right back,” he pushed up from the booth and headed towards the bathrooms.

            The archangel watched the man as he bee-lined away, his thoughts were interrupted when Mary sat down next to him, “Has he talked to you yet?”

            For a moment Gabriel stuttered, “About what?”

            “Whatever is eating him alive,” Mary sighed, “Reached around him yesterday to grab a coffee cup and he nearly jumped out of his skin. Something’s going on that he’s not talking about it.”

            “I know,” Gabriel admitted, “I just can’t get him to talk about it…”

            “If he’s anything like his Daddy, don’t push,” she grabbed the angel’s chin in that ever affectionate way she seemed to execute with all the boys and it made Gabe smile, “I’m gonna get a beer, you want anything?”

            “Yeah, whatever you’re having,” Gabe answered, and then his eyes were on Sammy again who was returning from the bathroom. The 6’4 man was cornered by a petite young blonde, all smiles and blue eyes. And to Gabriel’s horror, Sam fell backwards to the wall and the young woman looked equally startled. The angel leapt up from the booth.

            “I’m so sorry, are you alright? I didn’t mean to startle you!” she was apologizing with sincerity.

            “I-I’m fine,” Sam spat, “Please, just don’t,” his hands were up and in defense mode.

            “It’s okay,” Gabriel interrupted, a smile quick on his face for the woman’s sake who really hadn’t done anything wrong. She moved away quickly and his attention was fully on Sam who was shaking violently, “Sammy, Sammy, hey, will ya look at me?”

            “I’m fine,” Sam repeated shakily, “I am, can we just go? I-I think I’m getting a headache.”

            “Sam.”

            “I’m fine Gabe,” Sam faked a smile that made Gabe’s stomach lurch.

~~~~~~~~~~~

            It was Dean and Mary that kept up the conversation on the ride home, but Sam noticed that Cas and Gabe had a careful eye on him. It began to make him squirm because in some way he felt as though they could read his mind. Even though he knew, deep down, neither would do such a thing it had his heart fluttering. It had become a kind of ritual to gather in the living room and just as Dean was turning on the TV, the lights went out.

            “Hold on, hold on,” Dean was saying, getting his phone out and turning on the flashlight app, “Fuse must have blown, we have candles around here. Isn’t the first time this has happened. Sammy?”

            “Yeah, I know where they are,” Sam answered, “I think I saw some more in the supply room.” he tugged Gabe forward alongside, “Help me get some.”

            “Is there anything this ‘storage’ room doesn’t have?” Gabe smirked, “Here we are,” he gathered up an arm load of candles, “How long you think it’ll be out?”

            “It happens on windy nights sometimes, old power, sometimes goes out for a couple hours at a time,” Sam replied, searching for matches.

            “So we’re old schoolin’ it huh?”

            Sam managed a smile, “I guess so.”

            They lined candles up in the living room, idly cataloguing books that had been put out of order when the bunker was initially compromised. It was something to do with no internet, no TV that made them think ‘might as well hit the books’. As it neared midnight, Cas and Dean were not so nonchalantly saying they were going to bed. Even though it had the rest of them rolling their eyes. Their mother claimed she was too wired, and was still insisting on camping out in the living room with a handful of books and John’s journal.

            “How about we set these up in our room?” Gabe suggested, “I keep tellin’ ya you guys need to invest in a house, this place is, like I said, a concrete palace.” he plopped down on the bed, patting the mattress, “You’re sleepy Sammy, eyes are all glassy, come on. Let’s get you warm.”

            “I-I yeah, I’m tired,” he glanced around the room, the glow of candle light flickering softly. And then it was like nails beneath his eyelids, he fought it though, he squeezed his eyes shut and took a breath. It was a warm glow but it felt like fire, the smell of melting wax was sickening, and then he felt so horribly disconnected. His hands felt numb and his scalp was tingling.

            “Sam, hey, sweetheart, you okay?” Gabe was up on his knees on the mattress,” Come to bed.”

            Sam cleared his throat much too loudly, and he was nodding, “I’m fine, j-just need sleep-clothes.” he was changing quickly, mind dazed, not truly aware that Gabe was in the room as he shed his jeans and flannel. That was until he laid down on the bed, and honey colored eyes were hovering over him in concern.

            “Sammich,” Gabe spoke firmly, despite the silly nickname, “Sam, talk to me,” he cupped the hunters face in both hands, “You’ve been acting kinda squirrely and I just have a couple of questions.”

            Sam felt his heart lurch, quite possibly, literally lurch up from his chest in his throat. He was pushing away from the bed, and he’d shoved the angel as well. He was scrambling off the bed, the candle light was like fiery beacons burning into his corneas. Vaguely he could hear his name being called as he fled into the adjoining bathroom. And then his head was in the toilet, vomiting violently the contents of the entirety of the days’ meals. He knew he’d locked the door because Gabriel was pounding against it as he emptied his stomach.

            _The bedroom had been lit in such a way that provided comfort, muffled, golden light. No cold water pelting him. No sharp objects piercing him and no blue flames eating away his flesh. Then a warm body, flush and pressed against him. A building of pleasure from some unknown source radiating up and down his limbs, lips against his lips. A promise of safety, a promise of freedom. The threat was no more. She’d relented. Seen him as a human. He was okay now he was okay. They’d formed a connection, that was the only reason to why they were naked against one another._

_Then he remembered that feeling._

_False safety._

_Safety Lucifer had offered so many times he had no way of realizing what was false and what was real._

_He was aroused. That much he knew. The groaning, pliant body above him, grinding, enveloping him, closed around his length. Forcing an orgasm from his unwilling body, a quick smile on her mouth as lips came down to collide with his own. And then somehow he was immobile. His eyes burning, and tearing, but voice silence, mouth rendered mute._

_Then a face, a smirk, and pain, and blood. The dark basement and a chuckled reply of ‘Was it good for you’. His mind had betrayed him; his body had betrayed him. No, no, no, no._

_Like Lucifer. Just like Lucifer._

            “Sammy, Sam, sweetheart,” Gabriel’s voice broke through the fog, “Hey, look at me, please, look at me.”

            Sam gasped loudly, roughly, painfully, as if he hadn’t been breathing for minutes on end. And then he was sobbing, great guffawing cries that shook his very frame so much so with each sob he was coughing and he couldn’t breathe, “I didn’t want it Gabe…”

            “What?! Didn’t want what, baby, didn’t want what?” Gabe was frantic, knees bent on the cold, bathroom floor. Just the small inkling of candle-light illuminating the doorway.

            “She tricked me,” Sam sobbed, falling forward, “I-I didn’t know what I was doing…I didn’t mean to…”

            Gabriel took a breath, and hesitantly, once more took Sam’s face in his hands, “Look at me Sammy, you are not there. Whatever that fucking bitch did to you, you are not there.”

            “She cast a spell…we were in bed…” Sam coughed, feeling sick again, but held his stomach, “I-I didn’t…I didn’t want…b-but I was inside her…”

            “Okay, okay,” Gabriel silenced him, kissing his forehead, “You don’t have to tell me I get it, I get it.”

            “I didn’t mean to Gabe…it was so different…I didn’t know I was there…I didn’t mean to…”

            “What you didn’t mean to do? That was against your will,” Gabe growled, but kept it low because even as soft as it had been Sam whimpered. Fuck, he knew it had all been just innocent flirting, but that small brush with a woman at the bar had seemed to trigger it all. After that he wasn’t sure.

            “I-I didn’t know how long I was there…” Sam hiccoughed, “S-So I thought…I got out…and then we were in bed…it was warm…there was no…cold water…and blood…”

            Gabriel was viciously biting at his own lips, the images cascading over his mind were making him wish he could smite them all over again. The blonde he had annihilated, he hadn’t been sure why he’d done it, but given that Sam had reacted to the blonde at the bar he knew he’d done the right thing, “Sammy sweetheart, that was survival, and not your fault. She manipulated you. You get that?”

            Sam shook his head violently, pressing more firmly against the wall behind him, foregoing touch at this point, “She said I enjoyed it…”

            Yep, smiting, definitely smiting the entire British faction of the Men of Letters, “Even if you did? Even if you responded…” he tried to keep it as clinical as possible, “Doesn’t matter if you were having your mind messed with.”

            “Why me…” Sam slumped sideways, face buried in his hands, “I-I can’t…she just took…from me…and Lucifer…did the same. B-But I’m not different…when I had…no soul…what makes me any different…I deserve this…”

            “Samuel Winchester!” Gabe spat and when the man flinched, he scolded himself. Because Sam curled further to the floor.

            “Shhh,” Gabriel took the chance to move forward and only, very carefully, took one of his hands and tugged it down from his face, “Sammy, kiddo,” he took a chance and brought that hand up to his lips, hoping against hope that bitch hadn’t taken that form affection from him, “None of this shit was your fault. Not one fucking bit of it.”

            “I-I can’t deal with it Gabe, torture, was one thing. What is wrong with me?! I can be cut and burned…but-but what she did…to my mind…I couldn’t stop it and-and…”

            “Sam, baby look at me,” and thankfully Sam did, “I’m gonna put my arms around you, okay? That’s all, is that alright?” when Sam nodded, dark hair falling in his face. Gabriel acted gently but quickly, he folded Sam into his embrace against the cold bathroom floor, “We’re gonna get through this, but you gotta talk moosey, you have to talk to me because I am NOT gonna read your mind? Got it?”

            Loudly Sam sobbed and then promptly folded into Gabriel’s arms, the delusion melting away and buried his face in Gabe’s shoulder, “I don’t want anyone to know…”

            “I know Sam, but you gotta talk about it. If not with me then your brother…you really think he’ll judge you?”

            “I-I’m just…I want to…but…I can’t…” Sam sniffed loudly, “What am I supposed to say? A woman can’t do that to a man, right? What’s he gonna say…”

            “Sam,” Gabriel shook his head, and then without asking with a swift whoosh of wings had them both on the bed, thankfully Sam didn’t protest, “Your brother would kill anyone, man or woman, that made you do something you didn’t wanna do.”

            Sam wanted to protest, because he was thinking about Cas. Cas and that reaper. That had him crying hard and painful. But he didn’t say it out loud, that wasn’t his place. That was Cas’. He felt sick, strongly so just thinking it. That Cas had gone through the same thing with no one to tell him it was alright. That he could be okay.

            “Sammy,” Gabriel interrupted his thoughts, “You wanna keep talking? We’ll talk all night if you want to. I’m here.”

            “I wanna sleep.” Sam gulped, “C-Can’t you just zap me?”

            Gabriel frowned deeply, “I don’t wanna do that.”

            “Please Gabe, just for tonight, please,” he felt his breathing rising and frantic again.

            It was against his better judgment, but Gabriel kissed Sam’s forehead, and led him into a deep sleep. His guffawing sobs morphing slowly but surely into sleepy breaths.

            At the mere mention of Cas in a similar situation Gabe’s curiosity wasn’t only piqued it was on alert. Sam had mumbled it, without his own knowledge he was sure. He situated Sam’s limbs comfortably against the covers, kissing his cheeks and forehead and urged the human close.

            Tomorrow it would be mega family pow wow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review guys, this chapter made me cry :(


	6. I Hate To See Your Heart Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family powow begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have gotten such a wonderful response for this fic. And that makes me happy because we are all addressing and acknowledging these problems. This is an EXTRA long chapter. I will address Sam and his Mom in the next but this was all about the boys. I do hope you love it all, I've been working on it for over 6 hours off and on cause I have to take breaks given that it is emotional. You guys are amazing. Thank you for all the kudos, bookmarks and reviews!  
> *triggers for rape and non/con* there is a dream sequence with those triggers.

Gabriel left Sam still sleeping soundly, partially due to his mojo of course. He’d sent tiny tendril of grace to keep him asleep for another hour at least. He knew he should be looking for Cas first, but then, if something had happened to Cas? The thought of someone hurting Cas like that had Gabriel’s heart and mind spinning. How had someone managed to control an angel? He knew there were missing pieces to everything that was Cas’ life now, and the Winchesters. So much had happened since he’d died.

            But he began to think, maybe Cas had told Dean first, if there was indeed an assault. Perhaps Sam had simply been delirious, spatting out names. No matter what the circumstances may be, when he said he’d be there for Cas, for Sam, he meant it.

            He found Dean in the kitchen, at the table while his Mother read. They were idly chatting back and forth. Gabriel had almost forgotten what ‘nervous’ felt like, his bold confidence and bluntness always guiding his way. This would be of no help here.

            “Hey, Dean, can I talk to you a sec?” Gabriel said, clearing his throat first to alert his presence, “Alone?”

            Dean rose an eyebrow in suspicion, “Uh, sure, why?”

            “Well, Deano that’s a part of the ‘alone’ I just mentioned, it’s private,” Gabe skittered around his word choice.

            Dean set the paper down and in his ever annoyed nature with the archangel, followed him into the hallway his mother eyeing them carefully as they left, “Okay, what’s with the cloak and dagger routine, you’ve never been shy.”

            “Look, I’m not gonna rat on Sammy, cause that’s not my place. But something is seriously, seriously wrong inside that kid’s head. Something happened and it ain’t all ‘blow torches and knives.’ but I have to ask you something first. He kind of had a meltdown last night and in said meltdown he mentioned Cas. Which given the context, I’m really concerned.”

            All annoyance melted from Dean’s features, “What about Cas? Did he say something to you? He seems fine.”

            “Didn’t say he wasn’t, what I wanna know is…has…has Cas said anything about… man, this is hard saying out loud. Has Cas ever had sex, told you he did?”

            Dean barked a laugh, “Jesus Gabe, get right to it. Not that it’s any of your business but he’s only been with one person, and that was almost 3 years ago. Cas has never been one to…pursue potential partners.”

            Gabriel crossed his arms across his chest, “Did it last? Was it a one-night stand…”

            Dean interrupted, clearly upset by the topic, “No, it was when Cas was human…a reaper lured him into her home under false pretenses, he was trying to make it back here. She ended up killing him…”

            Gabriel shook his head in confusion, “If you said he never pursues potential partners, what made him follow her to her home?”

            Dean took a breath, the memory still painful, “I remember him saying he was out in the rain, no place to go, and he didn’t have any money to get something to eat. Why he slept with her I’m not sure, but he didn’t seem to mind that it happened. He only spoke about in passing once after he told us, but since then, he doesn’t bring it up.”

            Gabe just stared at the man and wondered how someone could be so stupid about someone they obviously loved so much, “So Cassie was human…he was starving, vulnerable, and freezing to death…so he wanted it huh? Did he even understand what was happening? Didn’t you boys ever give him the sex talk?!”

            Dean gawked, mouth working like a drowning fish, “He’s a grown man, angel, whatever, why would I ever have to do that?”

            “Y-You,” Gabriel laughed in anger, “You are an idiot, Cas has not been directly amongst human in thousands of years. He may observe these things but he doesn’t know how they work! And he was HUMAN for dad-sake, he doesn’t even know how that would work! Well, it makes sense now what Sammy said. I’m just gonna go talk to my brother now.”

            “Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can’t just bring something like that up and not tell me why!”

            “A reaper bitch rapes my brother and then I’m supposed to stand here, hold your hand, and explain how that is? Wow, Winchester I knew you were dense sometimes but this…so what did you do, high five’em? Tell him how lucky he was to lose his V card…I knew about the brothel.” he was walking away before he even finished, his stomach turning.

            “Gabe, hold on,” he turned the shorter man around easily, “If anyone is talking to Cas about this it’s me…I-I didn’t see it like that, I didn’t think about it that way I thought…I’d think he’d tell me about something like that…I swear I didn’t see it like that.”

            “Of course you didn’t Dean,” Gabe spoke low, “Because you weren’t worried about him in the least when you should have been.” he tried not to let his rage take hold, because he knew Dean’s attention had always steered towards Sam. But that made him mad too, that he only looked out for Sam when Cas cared so much. But now he could see it churning in Dean’s mind and could feel the nausea rise in the human.

            “Did Cas say something to Sam?”

            Gabriel exhaled roughly, scrubbing at his face, “I think he did, if I know Cassie, and I do, he probably didn’t even know what rape was.” he began, “I also think it would be the smartest thing to do…and have Cas intervene, because if this is true…then Cas would understand.”

            “What happened to Sammy, Gabriel…” Dean’s voice was trembling now, “Was it that woman? Lucifer?”

            Before he could stop the words Gabriel was spatting, “Both…and he doesn’t know how to talk about it…with anyone, especially you. Just, let me get some info before you start going all big bro, got it? I need to talk to Cassie.”

            “Maybe we should both talk to Cas.”

 

            Dean felt wrong bringing this all up now, it had been three years. But then when Gabriel said ‘both’ it got him wondering, had Lucifer done the same thing while occupying Cas? And fuck, what was the MATTER with him? Then he’d been so preoccupied, as Gabe had said, with Sam’s well-being he didn’t even stop to question Cas and ask him if he’d wanted any of that. Especially given that he’d said that he’d had his angel blade for protection, Dean’s response made him sick now.

            Cas hadn’t been acting any different since Lucifer’s expulsion, perhaps a bit skittish, but Dean hadn’t really had a chance to ask the angel how he was REALLY. After all that mess with Lucifer, he’d seemed keen on not talking at all about it. And then Sam was missing.

            Once everyone was safe, and feelings were out in the open, the only thing Cas had been truly insistent on was being held. Dean had not denied him that, he wasn’t an idiot. He knew every bit of affection Cas earned he had needed years and years ago. He truly believed that if Cas needed to talk about Lucifer he would, but Dean knew that couldn’t be true, not with what he’d just learned.

            He felt even sicker as he and the archangel entered the living room. Cas was curled up on the couch, still in pajamas, a stack of books next to him as the TV flickered on in the background. Cas looked content with his legs crossed, with a book in his lap, he obviously didn’t see them come into the room.

            “Hey Cassie, you mind if we talk to you about something?”

            Cas read the last line of the chapter and bookmarked it, “Yes, what about? Is Sam alright? He was looking rather pale last night.”

            “Kinda what we want to talk to you about, but it involves you too.” Gabriel began.

            Cas looked genuinely confused, his head tilting, “Sam _and_ I?”  
            Dean nodded slowly, he sat down besides Cas and Gabriel perched on the coffee table in front of his younger brother, “Yeah, buddy, Gabe was telling me Sammy had kind of a breakdown last night. In his panic he might have said something about you.”

            Cas’ brow buckled, “I don’t understand, is he alright?”

            “He’s really struggling, bad, and he won’t talk about it,” Dean reached forward and took Cas’ hands in his and the angel’s eyes narrowed further, “Cas, when you fell…when Metatron stole your grace. When you were homeless and trying to make it back to the bunker…that whole…April thing…was that something voluntary?”

            Cas yanked his hands away as if he’d been stung, “I do believe I’ve told you I don’t wish to speak about that ever again.”

            “I know Cas, I know,” Dean swallowed roughly, “But was it because you died? Or was it because of what happened before…”

            Cas was breathing staccato like, eyes going from Gabriel to Dean, “W-What did Sam tell you?”

            “Nothing Cas,” Gabe assured, “He only said your name…I just put the pieces together is all. You know Sam would never talk about something behind your back, not like this anyway and I think you know what we’re talking about.”

            Cas was shaking his head, “I-I don’t…I-I wasn’t even sure what it was…until I talked to Sam.”

            “And what did he say?” Gabe pushed, only ever slightly.

            “That I,” he swallowed again once more in a way that looked painful, “Y-You seemed so pleased with me when I mentioned we had had intercourse,” Cas’ gaze cut back to Dean, “I did not wish to talk more on the subject…of what really happened.”

            Dean’s voice was soft and assuring like it was wont to do when Cas was in distress, lately anyway, “What really happened, Cas?”

            Cas couldn’t look him in the eyes again, so they fell to the floor, “I-I didn’t know that was what she wanted when she brought me into her apartment…that-that I _could_ say no. Because she was insistent and I was so cold…I just wanted to get home but I didn’t-didn’t have any means to get there.” he pushed up farther on the couch, hands in his lap, “It was awkward and strange and I felt so uncomfortable…she kept pushing and then she was…she was undressing me and I wanted to say…no…but I didn’t…I-I…froze…” Cas wasn’t sure when his breath had lost control, what he did know was that Dean had gathered him into his arms, slowly and so carefully.

            “Shhh, Cas, I got you, it’s okay I get it,” Dean opened up his arms in a way that allowed Cas to bury his face in his shoulder, “Why didn’t you tell me, you could have told me…”

            “I-I don’t know…I don’t know…” Cas sobbed, and honestly he didn’t. He’d talked to Sam about it only a couple of times, and Sam had looked upon him with horror. More or less Sam explained what consent was. Everything Cas had been confused about had been brought into the light and even though he had felt sick whenever he thought about being in bed with that woman, putting a named to it made it all the more worse.

            Dean looked to Gabriel who looked upon the two with some semblance of relief, if they could get Cas to admit it, if Sam saw that Dean wasn’t judging, no, but offering comfort, then maybe Sammy would open up as well.

            “Cassie,” Gabe finally spoke up once the cries were somewhat quieter, “I’m really proud of you little bro, been a long time coming that you got that out in the open.”

            Cas didn’t exactly pull away, but he angled his face enough to make eye contact with his brother, “Something happened to Sam…like me? With that woman you mentioned?”

            “I think so,” Gabriel answered sadly, he moved up from the table and fondly ran a hand across Cas’ mussed hair, he looked to Dean, “Take care of him.”

            Dean nodded and Cas’ chest hitched painfully, his own memories cascading over his heart and mind. He could feel his whole body vibrating, he’d only ever spoken to Sam about this. But Sam. Sam was someone you could be open with, he’d been so terrified of Dean ever knowing. It only made him feel weaker, and given the last few months. Lucifer, the dog spell, his fear of leaving the bunker. That was going to be just another secret he kept to himself.

            “Okay, okay, Cas, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere,” Dean rubbed both hands up and down his back. Dean waited a few measured minutes before he wetted his lips and pushed the words out, “Cas…when you were under Lucifer’s control…did he…I mean what Gabe is insinuating happened to Sam…did…”

            Cas snuffled loudly, “N-Not exactly no, but he did…he would make me think that you were there. Allow me your affection and then, if I did not comply, take it away. Sometimes…he would have you hurt me…to keep me in place, to continue to comply. He’d never let me reach out to the real you.”

            Dean squeezed his eyes shut tightly, and held Cas closer, peppering kisses into his hair, “I’m not going anywhere sweetheart, never again. If it takes me the rest of my life, you’re gonna know every fucking day how much I care about you, how much I love you.”

            The heavy burden Cas had been carrying for years began to slowly, but surely slough away, he sank boneless against Dean. It wasn’t going to make everything right all at once. But it was a start.

            Eyes closing in exhaustion, he allowed Dean to tug his legs into his lap so he was effectively cradled in Dean’s lap, “I know why you didn’t want to tell me about that whole April business…but I wish you had. We could have hashed it out and then never brought it up again. I never, ever want you hurting like that in silence. You talk to me from now on, promise?”

            Cas nodded, pressing his face once more into the crook of Dean’s neck, “I will.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            When Gabriel returned to the bedroom, Sam was awake. Even though he believed sleep had to of calmed some of his distress it did not negate the obvious fact that Sam was ashamed at what he had blurted out. His long legs were crossed, he was bowed at the waist and had his face buried in his hands.

            “Sammy,” Gabriel announced his presence as quietly as he could, “You feeling alright?”

            Silently Sam shook his head, “My head hurts…”

            “Let me,” Gabriel moved closer and eased himself up on the bed, every movement he made was languid and careful. Sam didn’t look up and kept his hair draped around his face to obviously hide. He didn’t push, merely pressed two fingers to Sammy’s forehead and brushed away the pain, “You’ve been asleep a long time, kiddo, you need to eat something. Probably why your head hurts.”

            “Not hungry,” he croaked and then cleared his throat, the violent vomiting from the night before revealing its evidence of strain.

            “Sam, can you look at me for a sec?” when he didn’t answer Gabe took a chance and took his chin in one hand, gently searching for his gaze giving him a smile that was difficult to muster, “There you are.” he stroked his cheek with one free thumb, “You think you can tell me what happened last night?”

            Not that Gabriel had never been kind, or loving, that was a side many didn’t see. But he felt shock with the level of sincerity in his honey-colored eyes and caring nature in his touch and voice, “It-it was the candles…I don’t like the smell of the wax and y-you wanting to ask…ask me questions it was just too much. That’s what brought me out of the hallucination…she kept asking questions after every time…we…I’m sorry…” he choked a laugh, “D-don’t know if I’ll ever be able to handle…a dark room again…even candle lit…it was unnerving…it was too much…I’m sorry,” Gabriel’s small fingertips were gliding across his cheeks and that when he felt the wetness there, the slickness of tears falling down. Fuck, he couldn’t even realize when he was crying for Godsakes.

            “Why are you sorry? You couldn’t help that…” Gabe frowned, “What did I tell you? You need to talk about this if you ever wanna get better. No more sweeping this shit under the rug, Winchester.”

            He’d kept it in for so long, it almost felt wrong to purge it. But then he remembered, in his frenzy, that he had. He had told him the whole thing about Toni, habit made him bury the rest. The rest of the assaults brought on by the drugs. Lucifer.  “I’m so tired Gabriel, I-I’m so tired of hurting, and people taking from me.”

            Gabriel sighed in relief when Sam willingly slumped against Gabriel’s shoulder, “I know honey, I know.”

~~~~~~~~~

            Cas shuffled nervously outside of Sam’s bedroom, a room that as of late Sam had not left. Dean and himself had talked it over and Cas found that he was the most prudent choice to speak to Sam. Sure, he’d talked about all this to Gabriel, but Sam was still keeping himself locked away in fear someone would see. It had been two days and even Mary was getting worried. But Sam was now refusing to see his Mother, he would fake, no doubt, Cas knew, to be asleep when she knocked.

            “Sam?” Cas rapped on the door with his knuckles, “Are you awake? I need to talk to you…it’s very important.” when he heard nothing, he clicked the lock on the door and let himself in. He could see the covers pulled high, the only thing visible was the top of Sam’s head, “Sam,” he said again, “I need to talk to you. I-I’ve waited a couple of days and I believe it’s time you and I talk.”

            There was reluctance as he heard Sam groan, “What is it Cas? I’m not up for going on any hunts. I’m fine here by myself.”

            “There are no hunts, we are, as your brother says on ‘Sabbatical’. Even if we were going off on a hunt you are not to be left alone.”

            Sam scoffed, “Why’s that?”

            “You are not well, Sam,” Cas frowned, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

            “I’m okay Cas,” Sam patted him on the shoulder as he pushed himself up to a sitting position.

            Cas was shaking his head, “If you were alright, you would not be locking yourself in here. I know a little bit about that. I did not want to leave the bunker either.”

            That earned Cas a frown from the younger hunter, “I know that Cas, I’m sorry about all that…”

            Cas interrupted him with another shake of his head, “I am simply saying…I know what it is like to be afraid. Of everything, the dark, certain smells, even open spaces. It’s easier to stay inside. But Gabriel is right, it would be wise if you spoke to your brother and I. Speaking to me, because I can sympathize with your current state,” his eyes lowered, “And speaking to your brother and mother so they know that you are hurting. It is one thing for my brother and I to tell your family that you are in pain, and quite another for you to say it yourself.”

            Sam clenched his jaw, eyes watering over, “I-I’m fine Cas. I just thought, well, I’ve been tortured before and didn’t rest up, thought I’d treat myself,” he laughed weakly at the small joke.

            “You are so much like Dean,” Cas smiled mirthlessly, “Do not think that I had failed to notice, even with Lucifer gone that you are leery of my presence, or that you have had panic attacks since Gabriel brought you home. It was not mere torture; do you remember the talk we had about what happened to me when I was human?”

            Sam gulped, “Yes, I remember….”

            “Do you know what you told me? Why I felt so dirty…so used…”

            Sam nodded, his eyes wetting over in a way that always made them look like flints of glass, “Yeah, Cas, but that wasn’t your fault…”

            “And neither is this, anything that happened to you at the hands of that woman was not your fault nor was it something you asked for. You were raped, Sam.” Cas spoke firmly, eyes narrowed slightly, “The more you speak these things aloud, the more you will be able to handle them.”

            Sam had flinched violently with the term floating out in the open, “How did you know that…” Sam was breathing faster.

            “Gabriel told me that you spoke my name, and the way you have been acting as of late. Touch seems to bother you…you flinch…I am not blind. You and Dean are connected to me, always have been, Dean more of course. But I can feel through my grace your distress, last night, especially. Gabe explained that you had…an episode.”

            “How the hell am I supposed to function Cas?” Sam spat, tucking a cry, “I-I can’t sleep unless Gabe whammies me and-and I just can’t have my Mom looking at me and knowing. Or Dean…”

            “No one will look on you any different, this is support you need. Sam, I felt lost until I came to you, and you explained to me what had happened. I thank you for that…and I told Dean…finally.”

            Sam’s eyes widened slightly, he sniffed, rubbing at his eyes, “What did he say?”

            “That I should have told him a long time ago, even before we were together. That he would have never joked about it. That he was…disgusted with himself.”

            “S-So even though it…was a woman…he didn’t…”

            “No Sam,” Cas said, squeezing his forearm, “He was quite upset on my behalf…it was cathartic…it helped greatly I assure you. To finally tell him…”

            “Yeah, but Cas,” Sam started softly, “You haven’t been with anyone since then.”

            “You don’t know everything that goes on between your brother and I,” and when Sam blushed he knew he’d made his point. “Are you understanding what I’m saying? You needn’t admit to anything, but come out of your room. Your mother is so worried.”

            Sam’s face fell into his palms, “I just…haven’t been able to leave, it feels safe, like nothing can get me in here.”

            Cas took a chance and placed a hand to Sam’s back, “I know, I understand the need to stay. Little steps at a time, promise me you’ll at least try. We are all here for you. I was not lying when I told you, Sam. That I am always here for you, you are like my brother and I only wish to take care of you. I won’t lie, it took me a long time to…allow touch, as small and minute as it might have been for me back then, but you will move past this. You will heal.” when a sob popped up from the hunter’s chest, Cas put an arm around him, tentatively at first and Cas may or may not have gasped when Sam wrapped his arms fully around him, “It will be okay Sam.”

            “Thanks Cas,” Sam cried into his shoulder, having to bend to do so, he took a fuller breath.

~~~~~~~~

            Gabriel brought soup and that health-nut green tea that Sam liked so much on a breakfast tray and carried it into the bedroom, popping the door open with his hip, “Dinner Samshine, you’re eating or I’m gonna pull out the big threats. I’ll cut your hair even shorter.” when Sam exited the bathroom, steam whiffing in, for the water that had been far too hot, he took note of Sam’s reddened flesh, “You okay babe?”

            “I-I’m alright, hungry though.”

            Gabriel’s frown loosened, “That’s what I wanna hear, got you that lentil stuff you love for some reason. Dean said so, so if he’s wrong it’s his fault not mine.”

            “No, it’s good, thanks.”

            “You sure you don’t wanna venture out tonight, hmm?”

            Sam scrunched his brow up in a way that indicated gaining control, of whatever it was that he had been fighting with that made him need another scalding shower, “M-maybe tomorrow…I…”

            “It’s okay Sammy, movie night in here then. You eat up or I swear, your mom is gonna kill me.” he clicked the TV on with his grace. He watched Sam eat out of the corner of his eye and was highly satisfied to see him empty the bowl and sip at the ice tea, “Better?”

            Sam couldn’t help but agree that the pain smothered in his stomach, and the shakiness from not eating waned, “Yeah, thank you, I’m sorry…about all this…I bet you didn’t sign up for this when you thought about dating me.” the words slipped without thought. He wasn’t sure what they were, friends that occasionally exchanged kisses between meltdowns. He wasn’t sure.

            “Get over here you big sappy moose, I’m not _putting_ up with anything. I signed up for you and you only and I’m just glad you’ll have me.” he opened up his arms, waggling his eyebrows in a way that made Sam actually smile. He climbed into bed and just when Gabe was ready to pull the kid to his chest, Sam was flipping the tables and pulling the angel close against his own broad chest.

            “This okay?”

            “Are you kidding me? You’re like the best pillow in the world, mmm, Sasquatch size,” he propped his chin up on Sam’s clothed chest with a smile, which made Sam chuckle. He wanted to ask Sammy about his chat with Cas, but he didn’t want to spoil the somewhat calm mood Sam was exhibiting tonight. He’d eaten and drank up his tea and everything. Also, he was giving affection, something Gabe had craved since they reunited. He was dozing, he felt his eyelids growing heavy. His grace still not up to par, so it was to no surprise he was falling asleep. When he felt Sammy’s long fingers carding through his hair he was a goner.

 

            Sam watched the angel for a long time, the television playing some old re-run quietly. But his eyes were on the angel, and even though anxiety began to rise, bubble, he found it staying at bay as he watched Gabriel sleep. With his face so lax, no snark and sarcasm, Sam found himself getting sleepy as well. He hadn’t been able to sleep without grace or booze, so he sunk deeper into the covers, pulling Gabriel with him. Gabriel murmured something and only snuggled closer.

 

            _The room was lit in the same low candle glow. Sam felt the same bed below him, but the sheets felt like needles against his bare skin. Bare. Where were his clothes? No. No, no, no, not again! No. His eyes darted around the room of the abandoned farm house. He was already gasping, even though the room seemed empty. His one and only instinct was to flee. He wrapped the sheet around his naked waist tightly, and darted for the worn, white washed door. It was locked, “No,” he murmured, a quiet whisper, in fear of alerting the woman of letters._

_“Heya Sammy, where you going? So Brit chick gets all the fun and not me? Come oooon Sammy, you had fun down in the deep, dark, dampness, don’t deny it.” he tapped his fingers together and moved forward, “I taught you a thing or two down there.”_

_Sam clutched the sheet and hit the wall behind him, still tugging at the doorknob, “You’re not real, you’re not…”_

_“How can you be sure any of the last few weeks have been real?” Lucifer smiled and winked, “You’re still in that basement Sammy and you’re all mine now. We’re gonna take turns, Toni and I. Hey, maybe we’ll get your imaginary boyfriend involved. I bet my brother would love that, he’s quite the exhibitionist I’ll say. Maybe soon huh? Right now you’re mine. And once I’ve rode you like the animal you are I’ll let the woman have you. You’re so weak anyway, but when I’m done with you, it’ll be easy for her. Let’s get this party started.”_

_And then he felt nothing but hands, and pain. Lucifer had, with ease, pinned him up against the wall. His hands everywhere and Sam was frozen and then like a burst pipe he was screaming._

“Sammy, Sammy, hey,” Gabriel’s voice broke through the thick veil of the nightmare, he’s been nearly flung from the bed with Sam’s thrashing limbs. He was trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes, “Sam, honey, hold onto my voice.”

            “He was here, won’t let me go, he-he locked the door!” Sam sobbed, his eyes were wide open and he knew it as they scanned the room. No candles. No farmhouse. Just the grey walls of his bunker bedroom, “Gabe,” his chest was heaving, frightfully out of control, “They were going to…t-they…he said they’d both…tie me down…”

            Gabriel situated himself more comfortably on the bed, he carefully took both of Sam’s hands, so far that had been the safe route to take. He kissed both sets of knuckles, “Neither are here Sam, Lucifer isn’t here,” he hated to say the name out loud but he knew it was important, “Look at me sweetheart, it’s just me and you. Just me and you.”

            “Y-You and m-me,” Sam gulped, trying to keep his stomach settled, but a cry catapulted out of his throat and he sobbed, “I-I’m sorry I scared you…”

            Gabriel kept kissing his hands, because it seemed to ground him more and more. He figured that it border lined on friendly and intimate, “It’s just you and me Sammich, just you and me. Breathe,” he took one of those large hands and pressed it to his own chest, “Breathe with me.”

            “Why are you putting up with this?! I-I’ve pushed you away a-and all I do is fall apart…” Sam hung his head and cried.

            Gabriel huffed angrily, he didn’t even think twice, even though he should have, and kissed Sam chastely, brief and quick just enough to make his point, “Sammy, honey, I’m here because I want to be. I’m not ‘putting’ up with anything I’m helping you. Or at least I hope I am, and as long as you need me here, I’m gonna be here.”

            Sam was wide-eyed, and felt the beads of sweat running down his brow, “I need you here. I need you here so badly and I have for so long. When I came back and the…walls came down in my mind…I wished…I prayed you were here…”

            Gabriel eased them back against the headboard of the bed, slowly and carefully, “I’m here now and damnitt Sammy, I’m not going anywhere. So you have all the melt-downs and episodes you want. I’m gonna do everything I can. And if you allow it I’m gonna hold you through all of’em. I love you.”

            Despite the panic, despite everything, Sam held onto the word ‘love’ like a lowered safety rope, he turned his head and peered up into Gabriel’s hopeful face. It was in that moment he noticed Gabriel had been crying as well, “I love you too.” he said without hesitation.

            “I’m saying it cause I mean it, so any questioning in your eyes is bullshit. I don’t care how pretty they are,” Gabriel smirked, holding back his own sob.

            “I love you too,” Sam said again, he shimmied up closer and buried his face in Gabe’s neck, “I guess I’m stupid like my brother…cause I’ve loved you for a long time and I should have said it.”

            Gabe expected more talk but the room fell silent, he took it upon himself to fill the room with white noise. The ocean track Sam would usually play over and over on his phone next to the bed. But Gabe did better. The whole room filled with the sound of soft, crashing waves, “I love you too moosey, I love you so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are like hugs for our boys <3


	7. Open Channel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Winchester therapy happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To ALL my lovely readers thank you for the reviews, kudos and bookmarks!!! I hope you all like this fluffy new chapter!!! This is mainly about the Winchester family <3

            It was the second episode Dean had attempted to deal with in two days’ time. Cas barreling out of a seemingly sound state and screaming for ‘someone’ to ‘stop’. Even as Cas had given Dean more information on the many things that he’d kept hidden. The seraph was reluctant to say anymore on the matter of April. _That_ he respected, he knew that a lot of time had passed between now and the incident. Once Cas had had it out in the open he didn’t want to discuss it further. But the matter of Lucifer was another. Cas spat things in his sleep that had Dean’s heart palpating out of his chest. ‘No’, ‘Please’, ‘Don’t’ and ‘Stop’. Dean had left the angel sleeping as he took a quick shower, when he returned, Cas was panting and writhing on the bed in all the wrong ways.

            Instinctively Dean was on the mattress quickly, but he didn’t wrap his arms around Cas like he wanted to do. He knew that much now. Instead, he reached forward and with two fingers rubbed one of Cas’ earlobes between those digits. It was a safe, contact gesture that he found brought him out of these episodes, “You’re alright Cas, you’re safe. You’re okay…listen to my voice.”

            “Please,” Cas hiccoughed, “I-I just want…I’m cold…”

            Dean restrained himself, continuing the soft massaging of his lobe, “Cas, Castiel, right here sweetheart, right here.”

            “My clothes…can’t find them,” Cas grunted, face burying into the pillow underneath his head.

            Dean’s heart leapt, “Cas, where are your clothes?” had he lied to him about the Lucifer thing?

            “Takes them, makes me…uncomfortable, then takes away all the heat,” Cas was slowly coming into wakefulness, “Dean…”

            “Yeah, baby, I’m here, just a dream,” he repeated, hand not moving from his earlobe, when he knew it was safe to do so he leaned forward and kissed Cas’ forehead.

            “I’m cold,” he muttered, eyes not even opening.

            Dean moved off the bed so not to jostle him and pulled two blankets out of the closet, silently he unfolded them, flapped out the wrinkles and settled them both around Cas’ slumbering form, “Go back to sleep, you’re warm and safe and I’m here. Nothing’s gonna get ya.”

            Cas took another deep and shuddering breath, huddling beneath the newly offered blankets. And then he was silent.

            Dean pinched his eyes shut, trying to level his breathing and the stinging in behind the lids of his eyes. Cas sleeping was a worry, but then he noticed Gabe was sleeping too so he tried not to look so much into it. Himself, however, could not sleep. He made sure Cas was indeed dead to the world and then went into the hallway. He heard the TV going and then the dim light and followed its source.

            “Hey, Mom,” Dean gave a smile.

            “Can’t sleep either?” Mary asked.

            Dean shook his head, “No, I can’t. Need company?”

            “Sure,” she smiled, “You like B rated monster movies?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Another nightmare shot Sam up from a deep sleep, not as violent as the one before but bad enough to have his eyes burning and chest heaving. He felt gross and swollen from too much crying. But he just couldn’t seem to turn it off. Carefully he sat up in bed and could see Gabriel was still asleep, curled close and snoring softly. Hell, the angel hadn’t really had a chance to power up, or rest for that matter. Guilt churned in his gut, he situated the covers snugger around his small shoulders and eased himself out of bed as carefully as he’d ever done anything. When Gabriel only snuffled in his sleep, turning his face into the pillow Sam counted that as a huge success.

            He saw the living room light on and his heart bounced, with all his will power he forced himself to enter the room. He spotted his Mom immediately resting comfortably on the couch, the TV lighting up the room. Suddenly he felt exposed, unconsciously he wrapped arms around his own torso as if that might hide him or protect him, he didn’t know.

            “Sweetie, what are you doing up?” Mary broke the silence, setting the TV controller to the coffee table, “You have a bad dream?” the question left her mouth without thought, she almost scolded herself with the way she’d delivered it, as if the fully-grown man before her was a toddler. She thought she might have asked the wrong thing but then Sam was sheepishly nodding, his eyes far too glassy to be ‘just a bad dream’. She patted the sofa, “Come sit down.” Sam did as told, eyes locked on her, and then not expecting it Sam fell into her arms, face smartly hidden against her shoulder, “I’ve been worried about you.”

            “I’m sorry,” Sam spoke muffled, “I-I just…haven’t been able to leave my room lately.”

            “I noticed that,” she replied temperately, “You wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

            “I don’t know how to,” Sam answered, his shaking returning tenfold.

            Mary frowned at that answer, and reached behind them both, pulling the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapping it around her son’s shoulders, “That woman hurt you, more than just interrogation…didn’t she…I’ve observed enough to figure that much.”

            Sam tried his best, he really did but the sob bubbled out of his throat without control, “I-I…I didn’t…I mean I didn’t want…I didn’t want it…she just…she tricked me…and I couldn’t…stop it…”

            “Shhh,” Mary hushed him promptly, her heart thumping madly now and her eyes tearing up. If Gabriel hadn’t annihilated that bitch she would have done it herself. She was rocking him back and forth now, hands rubbing up and down his back and into his hair. All the things she would do when Dean was tiny and crying about a skinned knee or a bad dream. However, this was very, very different.

            Sam’s chest hiccupped, and he gasped, “I-I don’t sleep around Mom…I-I’ve never been like that…I-I…”

            “You stop that right now, doesn’t matter if you did,” she tightened her hold, “You don’t ever have to explain yourself for something like this sweetheart, you understand me? That wasn’t something voluntary…and you don’t need to be ashamed by that. You and your brother bottle things up far too easily. I’m here now, you need to talk to me.”

            “I’m sorry,” he sobbed louder, slumping against his mother and she was only hushing him again, still rocking him back and forth, kissing his brow, “I’m so sorry.”

            “What are you sorry about, stop it, please,” she kissed his clammy forehead again.

            “Didn’t know how to handle it…only Gabe and Cas know…didn’t know how to talk about it.” he pulled away only slightly enough to scrub at his face and then he was hiding again, all the while his mother was threading fingers through his hair and rubbing his back. He startled badly when suddenly Dean was in the room, two beers in his hands and a highly worried look on his face, “D-De, I…”

            Dean didn’t say anything he just took a seat next to him, set the beers on the coffee table, “Come’ere,” he loosened his brother’s arms around their mother and pulled him into his own, thankfully Sam didn’t resist. He’d been waiting for this for nearly two days now and relief washed over him as his little brother began to cry. He couldn’t remember the last time Sam was like this, and maybe he had Gabe to thank or Cas for that matter. All that DID matter was that Sam wasn’t hiding anymore.

            “I meant to talk to you I just…”

            “I know Sammy,” Dean glanced at his Mom whose face was dressed with concern, “Cas said he talked to you and I got the gist of it from Gabe. It’s okay and you should have talked to me sooner. But I know why you didn’t because I don’t have the best track record for ‘deep talks’.”

            “The only reason I was able to talk about it was Gabe and Cas…I-I didn’t know how to even…bring it up…I-I’m so ashamed.”

            “Shouldn’t be ashamed that some stupid bitch manipulated you…that wasn’t your fault and the sooner you get that in your head the better.”

            They sat silent for a few measured seconds before Sam asked, “Where’s Cas?”

            “Sleeping,” Dean said softly and pained, “Turns out he’s not as okay as we all thought either. So I think if an angel of the Lord has nightmares and panic attacks, you should feel pretty normal yourself.”

            Sam simply nodded, “I’m glad he told you.”

            “I am too,” Dean closed his eyes, “Glad you’re talking to me too, you’ve been camped out in your room too long, Sammy.”

            “I know,” once more he felt exhausted but wasn’t sure he could sleep.

            “You wanna finish this crappy movie with me and Mom?” Dean finally said after another measurable bout of silence, knowing that enough had been said.

            “Yeah, yeah I would,” he answered somewhat reluctantly. Mary was guiding his head to her lap as she situated a pillow for his head, and then without even asking Dean simply lifted his little brother’s legs into his own lap and cracked open a beer. Mary was fixing the blanket over Sam’s torso and then without any words at all, one hand firmly holding one of her sons’ the other combing the hair of her youngest.

            Sam felt his eyes drooping quickly and he didn’t ignore the fact that his family had him sandwiched in both protection and support. And as his Mom leaned forward and kissed the side of his head, he felt safe, he felt as if nothing in the world could hurt him. He thanked Cas for Dean’s sudden physical affection and acceptance, and he thanked Chuck for giving him Gabe, of which in turn gave him courage to admit all of this. And then he found sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty please review!!!!


	8. We'll Work Through This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean works with his family's trauma and Sam's not doing so well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank ya'll who have LOVED this story. My best friend has helped me SO much in the continual writing of this story. I hope ya'll like the new chapter. As we all know, there is no quick fix with sexual abuse so Sam isn't just 'a-okay' But he has his family and his archangel <3

            Dean expertly removed his brother’s legs from his lap, wincing slightly when his own tingled from falling asleep on the couch for so long. He resituated the blanket and fixed the pillow around his Mother’s head. It was almost 3 in the morning and he was exhausted. He blew a soft breath from his lips, taking one last look at his family. For the first time in days Sammy looked somewhat at peace, his forehead not wrinkled in concern. Dean hoped powerfully that this was the right step forward and that Sam would stop hiding (not that he hadn’t taught the kid how to do that) and talk to him when things got shitty.

            He padded soundlessly out of the room and carefully opened the bedroom door. Cas was still out cold, thank God, he shimmied into the bed. He almost thought to turn the bedside lamp off but thought twice about that. Darkness seemed to be a trigger with the angel, as did total silence, hence the reasoning for the fan now sitting on the dresser. So he eased his hand away and pulled the covers around him, the small table fan humming low in the background.

            Dean had only seen Cas sleep a handful of times, and even then, back in the day he found it endearing. Now was no different. With the pressure to the mattress Cas groaned and moved closer, seeking out warmth, his hands out as such, fingers splayed. Dean laced those fingers with his own and marginally moved closer. Blearily Cas opened his eyes, which was weak at best.

            “Dean…” he slurred.

            “Go back to sleep sunshine,” he leaned forward and kissed his brow, lingering there for a moment, “Go back to sleep.”

            Cas huffed and groaned, eyes closing once more and Dean smiled. Closing his own eyes, the liquor still numbing his buzzing mind smartly, he very carefully held Cas’ hands close, kissing the knuckles and soon found sleep within moments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Sam awoke to silence. The low hiss of the TV was in the background and his legs were not scrunched up but stretched out across the long couch. He breathed deeply, for a moment confused where he was, but then he took note of the television, the coffee table, and he remembered he’d gone into the living room. A blanket was tucked around him, it fell from his shoulders as he sat up. He glanced at the mantle of the fireplace and the large clock read 5am. He'd fallen asleep but not for too long, he pulled the blanket back up and pushed up from the couch, the cold floor of the bunker made him shiver. He realized he slept much better with a warm body next to him, or wrapped around him was more efficient. With that thought in mind he hurried back to his bedroom, he turned the doorknob carefully enough as he remembered it creaked.

            He smiled immediately when his eyes fell on the bed, this he remembered well, whenever Gabriel ‘shut down’ for a few hours he would take over the bed. Arms and legs out in a skydiving type stance. However, he didn’t take up the entirety of the bed, being the small angel he was, so Sam was able to slide back onto the bed, shimmy underneath the sheets without being interrupted by limbs.

            It was a truly amazing sight, to see all snark and sass gone from his sleeping face, small pink mouth relaxed, lips parted with soft breaths. He almost thought perhaps he should move back into the living room, because there was always a good chance that he would have an episode, or a nightmare and wake the angel.

            Gabriel had been so good to him, so patient. But he was obviously exhausted.

            Guilt, besides everything else, the anxiety and fear and self-loathing, guilt was becoming more and more a powerful thing. He tucked golden hair behind one ear of the angel, he leaned into his space and kissed his forehead. With careful ease, he took one of Gabriel’s hands that were lying loosely between them, he kissed the knuckles and held it close to his head on the pillow. He begged his mind to rest, he closed his eyes. Talking to Mom and Dean had been cathartic initially, but now as he thought back at the confession it made his heart race to know that EVERYONE knew. He scolded himself for thinking that Dean would react any other way, however, the affection he received alongside the understanding was surprising. He would have to thank Cas for that later. Soon enough, counting each breath he heard leave Gabriel’s mouth, his mind began to drift.

 

            Gabriel was jolted from his sleep with the loud, sharp gasp that cut through the silence right next to him. He sat up immediately and Sam was sitting up, back rim rod straight, chest panting and eyes wide, “Sammy,” Gabe began, and he reached out one hand, just to take Sam’s and Sam jolted back and away, tumbling off the bed in the process, “Sam!” the angel knew the man had hit his head in the process cause now, obviously awake, he was groaning, and curling up on the floor.

            But Gabriel couldn’t reach him. He was scooting backwards to the nearest wall all the while screaming ‘Stop’

            Gabriel’s stomach plummeted. Half asleep and without thinking he reached out a hand, only touching Sam’s shoulder. The man flinched, back of his head smacking the wall even harder and screaming “Don’t! Oh, God please”

            “Sammy, honey, please,” Gabe retracted his hands as soon as they were slapped away.

            “I just want to sleep,” Sam sobbed, arms folding over his head, knees bending up to his chest, “Get off me…get-get off me…j-just…please…”

            Gabriel’s eyes filled up quickly, tentatively he reached forward and brushed fingertips over Sam’s clenched knuckles that were currently clenched in his hair, “Sam…Sammy…”

            Loudly, like a hiccup sob burst up from Sam’s throat, “G-Gotta get out…”

            “Take my hand Sam,” Gabriel urged, scooting minutely closer, “I’ll get you out. If Cas hadn’t I would’ve.”

            “Cas,” Sam sobbed, “W-Why…”

            “If I know my baby brother, and I do, he did everything he could to get your quicker,” Gabriel took a deep gulp, successfully he had one hand in his own.

            Suddenly Sam’s eyes were open, tears pouring endlessly down his pink cheeks, “Even there…even in the cage…he had my body in control…Michael was there and-and….he hurt Michael but it was me…I could feel…oh fuck…fuck…”

            “That wasn’t you Sammy,” Gabriel began, “Kiddo, hey, sweetie look at me…”

            His eyes were wild, wide, wet and anything that was focused, “Gabe…I hurt people…I-I oh why…didn’t I remember this…”

            “Sam,” Gabriel had Sam by both forearms, “You didn’t do anything babe. That was against your will just like everything else that was done to you.” and as he was saying the words he vowed he would murder his brother. Family be damned. Lucifer was anything that was innocent. It didn’t matter that Dad had shunned him. None of that mattered. He’d harmed his little brother. Harmed the man he loved.

            “Don’t feel good,” Sam coughed, bending at the waist face twisting in pain.

            “Okay, okay,” Gabriel urged him up from the floor into the bathroom and to his horror Sam was heaving once more into the toilet. Keeping anything down the last few days had been a challenge.

            “I wanna get in the shower,” Sam spit into the toilet, forehead leaning against the porcelain.

            “You want me to leave?”

            “No,” Sam trembled, “Don’t leave. Help me…I’m sorry…”

            Gabriel shook his head, “Stop it Sammy, don’t apologize,” he moved forward, “Okay, how about a bath instead?”

            Sam nodded wordlessly, eyes closing ever so slightly, closing the toilet lid and slumping against it with a loud groan.

            Gabriel wetted his lips, contemplating on what to do next, “Just sit tight and I’ll run the bath…” when Sam stayed quiet, still pressed to the floor he hurriedly moved to the communal bathroom that held the big claw tubs and ran the bath, testing it with his fingers, he returned to the small bedroom's bathroom still hazy with sleep, he took a breath and bent at the knees. He couldn’t believe Sam was still curled so tightly on the floor. He thought the more he was awake the more lucid he’d become. This wasn’t the case.

            “Honey,” he murmured, carefully reaching a hand forward and touching his elbow, “Let’s go, you still want a bath?”

            “I do,” Sam was still crying, whether he was aware of it Gabe didn’t know.

            “Okay sweetheart, then let’s go,” he took a chance and pressed fingertips into both elbows of the younger hunter’s arms, “Come on.”

            Sam followed like a robot to the room of tubs, he barely seemed to notice when Gabriel shed him of clothes and lowered him into the water. Hugging the side of the tub Gabriel ran a wash cloth over and over Sam’s back, ever so often sweeping the hair away from eyes.

            “Why doesn’t it get better?” Sam turned his cheek on his upturned knees, “I-I thought…if I told…said it out loud.”

            “Sammy…” Gabriel sighed.

            “I told Dean…I told Mom…didn’t do anything,” he sobbed loudly into his naked knees.

            “It doesn’t work like that kiddo,” Gabriel frowned, wanting to just pull the kid into his lap, erase his memories and make it all okay again.

            “I hate this,” Sam cried, “I’m so tired…of being taken…I don’t get to decide…”

            “Sammy,” Gabe leaned forward and kissed his damp temple, “What do you mean…”

            “It wasn’t just Lucifer…ya know…” he sniffed, turning his head away, “I’ve hurt people…hurt so many…”

            “Sam, listen to me,” Gabriel took a breath, “I know…you’ve had a helluva run…you’ve told me…but none of that is your fault.”

            “So many times…where I didn’t have any control over my actions…my body…” he gulped loudly against like he might be sick, “I’m tired…I’m so tired...I don’t wanna do this anymore…” his sobs returned to loud and painful volume, “Gabe…w-why don’t I deserve…I never wanted this life…none of it…”

            Gabriel waited and when Sam’s voice stuttered into tearful sobs he spoke up, “You deserve anything but what you’ve been handed baby.”

            “I don’t even know how to react to that,” he cried, burying his face in his knees.

            “If it’s the last thing I do,” Gabriel said, he climbed into the tub, clothes and all, tugging Sam into his lap, “I will make you know what love feels like. Not any of the shit that you’ve dealt with. I want you to know that touch is safe, sex is safe. I see you flinch, even when I try to kiss you and I will put everything into making sure that is fixed.”

            “Gabe I don’t…I don’t not want you to touch me…it-it’s not that…” he was squeezing his knees even tighter to his chest.

            “Stop,” Gabriel snapped, “I know that,” he kissed the man’s temple once more, threading fingers through his hair. He even took the chance to trace fingers over his naked back, “You feel like going back to bed?”

            Sam nodded, face pressed against the archangel’s shoulder.

            “Okay, come on,” with one snap of his fingers he dried himself and dressed his human, “I know you like the mortal route but it’s late.”

            “Gabe,” Sam shuddered, as the angel led him to bed, “I-I’m sorry…”

            “What did I tell you?” Gabriel scolded.

            “Are you sure you don’t want sleep somewhere? I know you’re low on mojo…”

            “I don’t care how low I am I’m not leaving you alone, come on,” he said, lying down beside Sam, waiting to be allowed to touch, “You want me to leave?”

            “No!” Sam shouted, and then his eyes lowered, lips pursing in embarrassment.

            “Sammy,” Gabriel gave a soft smile, “It’s okay. I’m here, whenever you need me, however you need me. Lie down huh?” he opened his arms.

            “I keep you awake when you should be resting I…” Sam started.

            “Get your ass over here.”

            Sam exhaled in what could only be described as relief, he fell into Gabriel’s arms, “Thank you.”

            “What did I tell you Sammich?” he kissed his forehead, then his cheek, then so carefully his lips, “I’m here, not going anywhere.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review lovelies!


	9. Sammy, it's what YOU want.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel teaches Sam a very important thing that's he's struggled with since he left college. Consent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my best friend CrowleysMooseSquirrelsAngel, here be a new chapter. She's been writing like a FIEND and so I had this idea come to me tonight! I'm thinking at this point within two chapter I'll be finished with this work! Thank you to ALL that have supported this fic! I'm in AWE that it has had such a big following, as I do with every fic I have haha Love you guys! Thank you for the reviews, kudos, and bookmarks!

 

            Gabriel was happy to report, to both himself and the very worried members of Sam’s family, that the nightmares weren’t every night now, only every other night. It wasn’t fantastic but it was a start. And Sam had even voluntarily gone out several times, albeit brief moments but it was better than nothing.

            Now was one of those times.

            They were both sitting in a mom and pop diner, bars they avoided, simply too many people Gabe figured. He tried not to seem like he was surveying every situation as a possible threat. But unfortunately, Sam caught on soon enough.

            “Gabe, come on, I know…” he grunted, rolling his eyes in perfect unison, elbows on the table as he leaned close, “I know that there isn’t a threat around every corner. You don’t have to be so…hyper-vigilant.”

            Gabriel rose an eyebrow, “What are you talking about?”

            “Watch-dogging me,” Sam sighed.

            “Okay, you got me,” he put his hands up, “I just want you safe Sammy, that’s all.”

            “Well, I can take care of myself, I’m fucking fine,” he exhaled roughly, and then Gabe wasn’t missing at all that when the waitress arrived with the check, he flinched.

             Gabriel gave a genial smile and took the slip from her hand, “Thanks.” he waited for her to move away to the register, cash in hand, “You’re a helluva bullshitter Sammy boy.”

            “What’s that…” he coughed, but stopped when she returned with changed.

            “Keep the change,” Gabriel nodded and she smiled with a ‘thanks have a nice day’.

            Sam wasn’t deterred, “What was that supposed to mean?”

            “I ain’t saying you can’t take care of yourself, you’re more than capable sweetheart, but you are far, far from _fine_. I know you’re doing these outings for my benefit, to prove something. You don’t have to do that.”

            “You said it would be good to get out and you’re right…I can’t stay cooped up in the bunker all the time. Not if I’m gonna get back out there and hunt, like I should be fucking doing. I should be out there with Dean and Cas and Mom. But no, I can barely have lunch at a fucking diner.” he was ringing his hands bloodless.

            Gabriel had been waiting for the anger to appear, buried beneath the terror and panic and initial humiliation and here it was cresting, “Sam, it’s gonna take a little more time than a few weeks, if it were someone else you’d say the same thing . You’d be telling them this crap doesn’t get mended overnight…”

            “Yeah, well I’m not somebody else, it’s me. I should be out there…” his eyes were determined but wet, “How did this become my life…”

            Gabriel frowned, “What do you mean?”

            “Just,” he was coiled, looked ready to break, “No control over anything. Nothing.”

            “Sam…”

            “Let’s…just go home, huh? Let’s just go home,” and Gabe felt defeated, just as defeated as Sam’s tone.

 

            When they entered the bunker Sam slid past Gabriel on the steps and went straight to the shower with only a soft muttering that he was gonna do just that. Gabriel clutched at his hair in frustration with a loud grunt once Sam had closed the door.

            He plopped onto the couch with an aggravated and pained grunt. He waited there for 30 minutes with not a peep, not if the pop and crack of the pipes counted. He was dozing by the time that Sams’ apprehensive voice arrived, so meek and quiet, “C-Can we go to bed?”

            Gabriel lifted his head, fighting back a frown, “Sure sweetheart, you tired?”

            Sam nodded, arms wrapped around himself, already clad in a t-shirt and loose pants, hair damp and fallen loosely around his face.

            Gabriel pushed up from the couch and reached out a hand, relief flooded him when the other man held tight, “I’m pretty shot too, you wanna watch something till you conk out?”

            “Y-yeah if you wouldn’t mind.”

            “Course I don’t mind,” Gabriel gave smile that did just enough to get Sam to smirk, he ushered him into their bedroom, “Get comfy Sammich.” he snapped his fingers and clad himself in similar attire. He pulled back the comforter that he changed himself, one of those feather down things he’d read about. Weighted comforters that helped with anxiety and to his own surprise it helped, he wasn’t sure if Sam was aware that he’d done such a thing, but if it helped, he didn’t care if he noticed or not

            Once more he was snapping his fingers, TV controller in one hand, “What’ll it be?” He had been careful lately with giving touch without asking. So, he would wait on his side of the bed, close but not too close, and the only thing he would try, as to convey he wasn’t denying touch, was to brush fingers over the top of Sam’s head, carefully through his brown locks.

            Thankfully tonight was one of those nights that Sam fell against him, as if all strength had been drained from his bones. He wrapped his arms around the hunter, kissing his warm, sweet smelling crown. This seemed the safest of gestures, it never garnered him a flinch.

            “How’s this?” he asked.

            “Good,” Sam grunted sleepily.

            Gabriel filed through the last few days, of their outings, of Sam complying to ‘getting out’ as Cas and he had suggested. He wasn’t even sure if Sam understood what that meant. That going out was on his terms, not on anybody elses’. And in that moment he realized that Sam was doing what he always had done, what he’d seemingly been _taught_ to do.

            Comply to survive.

            Go along with it to make someone else happy.

            His stomach lurched unpleasantly. Yes, it had only been nights out to eat, but Sam was still uncomfortable with that. That was vastly wrong. So wrong.

            “Gabe?” Sam huffed, head turning upwards slightly, “Somethin’ wrong?”

            “Nothing Sammy, go to sleep,” he kissed his forehead, tugging the weighted blanket around Sam’s shoulders. Sam grunted contently, burrowing beneath the blankets and Gabriel’s chest.

            He was gonna figure out a way to get this concept across to Sam that he didn’t need to please everyone. Nor did he have to put up a front, because that’s what it was, a front. When simple pecks on the cheeks and a hand to his hand made the young man flinch, things were not like they should be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            

            “What’s this?” Sam was asking with humor in his voice for the first time in weeks.

            “I’m making dinner and we’re staying in,” Gabriel answered, flipping a burger, “And we’re eating all the health nut stuff you’re crazy about.”

            “But,” Sam began, “It’s Thursday, this is always our ‘go out night’. Remember?”

            “Not until you really want to,” the archangel replied, the tone of his voice leaving little room to argue, “And you can’t lie to me anymore Sammy.”

            “Gabe,’ Sam started, shuffling, eyes down and biting the inside of his cheeks.

            Gabriel moved the skillet off the stove, letting the soy burgers rest, “Look me in the eye, right now and tell me how comfortable you are being around a bunch of strangers right now.”

            “G-Gabe I’m…” Sam’s throat was working convulsively.

            “Fine? That’s a no-go Sammy boy,” Gabe huffed, shaking his head, he took both of his hands, leading him to one of the bar stools around the kitchen table, sitting him down. He brought both sets of knuckles to his lips, “I’m proud of you for going out, I am, don’t get me wrong. But you understand you are under no obligation to do so? The same goes for everything else.”

            Sam gulped once more and the fact that Gabriel could hear the strength behind that gulp made his heart bounce, “Everything else?”

            “Kissing, hugging, any of that. That is on your terms and it’s not gonna hurt my feelings if you say no to anything, you get that?”

            Sam wet his lips, “I-I’m sorry…I…”

            “You don’t think I’ve noticed? You flinch, honey, you shouldn’t flinch if you _want_ something. So, you know what you do? You say you’re not ready. Everything is on your terms.” Gabriel explain as carefully as he’d ever done anything. Probably more carefully than anything he had in his existence, “So let’s test this out, huh?”

            There was hesitance but Sam nodded, and Gabriel could feel the slight trembling.

            “Can I kiss your cheek?”

            Gabe smiled when the hunter flushed just in the slightest.

            “Well, yeah,” he answered.

            Gabe complied, and sideways kissed his cheek, holding against his warm cheek for only a couple seconds, “Okay, how’s that?”

            “Gabe, this is silly I…”

            “No, I don’t think it’s silly, was that okay?”

            Once more he was nodding.

            “How about here?” he kissed the corner of his jaw, unlike his cheek he kept it a bit more brief.

            More nodding.

            “Here?” he moved to the other side and pressed his mouth just below his ear.

            “Mhmm,” Sam hummed.

            Moving slow, he cupped Sam’s face, thumbs brushing against the thin flesh below his eyes and chastely kissed his mouth, “Here?” without speaking Sam nodded. Gabriel knew he was getting somewhere, in terms of making his point. Gabriel ten years ago probably would have laughed himself sick at the gentleness behind these actions. But now, it was everything he believed was crucial.

            As crucial as creation.

            Having Sammy know he could say no.

            That ‘No’ was a real thing. He slipped his arms around his waist, pressing palms to the small of his back and he trailed careful kisses along his throat that had the hunter sighing deeper.         Still, no panic. It wasn’t until Gabriel skimmed his fingertips, just in the slightest around the seam of his pants with no intent and he felt the violent flinch.

            “Sam, tell me what’s wrong,” Gabriel said, moving his hands back up to his face.

            “I-I…”

            “Yes?”

            “I-I’m not ready for that…I can’t do that…”

            “Good,” Gabriel gave a small, sad smile, “That’s good.”

            “Good? How is that good?” Sam’s eyes were watering without warning.

            “Because you told me, you said it, out loud ‘I’m not ready for that’. I want you to do that from now on. You don’t want a touch? You say so. You don’t wanna go out? You say so. You need to take care of yourself sweetheart, and you haven’t been doing that.”

            With the smallest of hiccups, Sam pulled Gabriel into his arms, and thankfully it was easy to do given that he was sitting and he buried his face against Gabriel’s throat with a deep shuddering cry.

            “Sammy, Sammy, you get what I’m saying huh? I don’t think you quite understand in that big-hearted moose brain of yours that you can say you’re not okay with something. I ain’t gonna push you, ever, EVER.” he combed his fingers through his dark locks, pressing a kiss to his temple, “So I want you to stop, right here, right now, trying to please me. Because I’m not going anywhere unless you explicitly say ‘go’. Okay sweetheart?”

            “Okay,” Sam sobbed, arms wrapped tightly around the archangel and Gabe held back just as tightly since he was given permission to do so. And his heart felt lighter that is seemed Sam finally got it.

            “Okay,” Gabe replied, smoothing his palms over Sam’s back until the trembling ceased, “Now how about I feed you and we go binge watch that new Planet Earth you’ve been fangirling about?”

            Sam laughed, even though there were tears still streaming down his face, and Gabe wiped them away, kissing his cheek once then twice before returning to the stove.

            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            They finished dinner together, enjoying having the bunker all to themselves and Sammy would admit that it had been as if someone had taken ten-pound sand bags off his shoulders. He hadn’t even been aware of what he had been doing until Gabriel had presented it right in front of him. Put it as bluntly and gently as he knew how. And Sam was thankful, grateful, there were really no words because no one in his life had offered him a choice. Not really. No one ever asked ‘Sam what do you want’?. It was just a given that he had no control over. And that control dwindled even further as he grew older. The archangel seemed to be the only one that recognized the problem.

            As the two of them slumped onto the couch, Netflix playing, he knew he surprised Gabriel when he leaned forward and pulled him into a deep, although brief, kiss that had the other blinking blurrily afterwards. But he ended it there by kissing his cheek, and then his forehead and Gabriel smiled. Big and more honest than he’d seen in weeks.

            Sam tugged the blanket off the back of the couch and cocooned it around the both of them, urging Gabriel close to his chest of which the angel happily complied. They watched in silence, only now and again Sam stroked his fingers through Gabe’s hair and Gabe huffed in utter contentment.

            “Gabe?” Sam sighed, thirty minutes in.

            “Mhmm?”

            “Thank you,” he nuzzled the top of his head.

            “For what?” Gabe propped his chin up on his chest, honey eyes sleepy and wet.

            “For tonight, just, for everything,” he kissed him on the lips again, keeping their forehead together for a long minute.

            “Anytime Samshine,” Gabriel smiled, grunting only slightly when Sam tugged him closer, lifting up his legs into his lap so he was more or less cradled against the hunter.

            “This okay?”

            “You kidding me?” he joked, but was already fading.

            “Night Gabe,” Sam’s eyes were fluttering close as well.

            “Night kiddo.” he felt one of Gabriel’s hands slip into his, palms flush, and lock their fingers together. Sam squeezed back and fell asleep, nightmares for a moment but a memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are hugs, you know this. You know this. Sammy hugs. Hugs for our moose <3


	10. Mending Bridges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Gabriel finally achieve intimacy <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update in March. Good Lord. So sorry to my beautiful and supportive readers. This was just SO hard to write because I didn't want to disappoint. I wanted Sam's recovery to be as genuine as possible. Thank you for all your continued support AND waiting. I might have a couple more chapters after this, at least one with Dean and Cas of course! Thank you for all the reviews, kudos, and bookmarks!!!

It was weeks after Gabriel had, more or less, sat Sam down and re-explained what consent was. Sam found it a little scary that the archangel had had to do such a thing. After all, he had explained this very thing to Cas. How could he have not had a full understanding of such a simple concept? He remembered sitting Cas down in the bunker living room years before and telling him that his encounter with April constituted as rape. The angel had gone utterly pale and never brought it up again, only making him promise not to say anything to Dean.

            In perfect Winchester fashion, Cas kept it buried, locked away and never flushed out all the details. Never discussed how that made him feel, perhaps, Sam thought, that played a factor in why he said yes to Lucifer. There were far too many times that Sam recalled not having control over his body. His time in Hell was by far the worst, why he thought the incident with Toni wouldn’t trigger all of this, he didn’t know. He should have seen it coming.

            He couldn’t figure out how he had gotten through the recollections of Hell without anyone at all. All those long nights, waking up screaming, drenched in sweat. Panic attacks daily that he tried desperately to hide. Dean had grown a lot, this was true, but it was never easy to breach these topics back then and perhaps that was why now, he had been as reluctant.

            Gabriel had been the first person he felt completely open with, not even Jessica knew all his demons, and he had had very few at the time of their relationship. Gabriel not only provided an open ear and open arms, he helped him work out the crazy stuff going on in his head. He’d been a touchstone, brought him down from panic attacks, brought him out of nightmares.

            Sam was utterly grateful that Gabriel could take his hand without a flinch, small amounts of affection here and there didn’t take his breath away in a bad way, and he was sleeping sounder as time moved forward. He was even able to go on a hunt, be outside of the bunker for longer than a few hours without panicking.

            One thing that bothered Sam more than anything, was that when it had come to the bedroom, he’d finally worked up to the point where they could touch and kiss with no shirts. It had only happened a handful of times and not once had Gabriel ever broken his trust. Never moved below the waist and always, constantly, Sam was calling the shots. Sam didn’t have to say much and Gabriel knew to slow down.

            So yeah, things weren’t perfect, but they were definitely looking up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            He knew he was psyching himself out with the idea of actually making plans, but he was in control, he had to remind himself. He could keep said plans to himself if he didn’t say anything. Then he wouldn’t have the feeling of expectation if he panicked and bailed on the whole damn thing. But he wanted to be intimate with Gabriel, he craved it, it kept him up at night sometimes. Mind racing on the ifs or buts.

            “Sammy, you in there?” he heard Dean’s voice from the hallway as he realized he’d zoned out over a cup of tea, now cold.

            “Yeah, in here.”

            “Hey, I hate to spring this on ya but I was talking to Cas and I think we should get away for the weekend. As in actually go somewhere. Thought we’d go to that lake down in Webber, they got some nice cabins down there. I really think the peace and quiet would do Cas some good. And I’m getting bunker fever, hunts have been scarce and Mom’s on the only one we’ve knabbed so far. Would you be okay here on your own? I mean, I know you got dumbass but I didn’t wanna leave you hanging if you weren’t comfortable.”

            Sam smiled at his older brother, “Did Cas write this out for you? This sounds like Cas.”

            “Cram it, I’m trying here ya jerk.” Dean actually scowled.

            Sam only shook his head with a laugh, “It’s fine, I’ll be fine. You’re right, Cas needs it. After everything he’s been through a little R and R would be good for him, good for you both.”

            “Alright, let’s cut this short before we go full on Oprah,” he gave him a firm pat on the shoulder.

            “You’re the one that started bitch.” Sam scoffed.

            Without skipping a beat Dean replied, “You bring it outta me jerk.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            He and Gabriel saw the other couple off later that afternoon.

            “Did it seriously take nearly nine years for him to get his head out of his ass and admit how much he loves my little brother? God, they’re sickening,” Gabriel said, intertwining their fingers without thought as they walked back into the bunker.

            “Of course it did, he’s Dean, he’s only been in one committed relationship his entire life,” Sam added.

            He could feel his nerves ramping up but was able to keep them from physically making a night spoiling arrival. To his own surprise his nerves were dampened by actual excitement. Gabriel continued to ramble on, as he was wont to do, but all Sam noticed was the whiskey colored shade of his eyes and the way he pursed his lips when he was playfully annoyed.

            “So Samshine, it’s just you and me. I know you’re mister health-nut but we could always binge on junk food and…” he was cut off by a swift kiss, one that nearly knocked the archangel off his feet.

            Sam kept him from falling backwards and eased them both to the nearest wall, that just so happened to be the bunker hallway. He had unconsciously led them towards their bedroom. And when he heard an audible ‘oof’ as they bumped the wall, he stopped.

            A tiny trill of panic ate its way up his spine, “Shit I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Sam spat breathlessly.

            “Are you kidding me?” Gabriel retorted, blinking a few times as if he were trying to clear his vision. “You can bump me into walls any time, I’m game.” He pulled Sam back to his lips and as gently as he did anything eased his tongue into the hunter’s mouth.

            If their kisses had been heating up before, they were definitely ramping up now. Sam tapped the back of Gabriel’s thighs and without words he knew to jump and lock his legs around the taller man. Hands securely holding his backside, he carried him into the bedroom. Unlike the wall bumping, Sam eased him onto the bed carefully, unlatching their mouths to dot kisses down his jaw, before nuzzling the nape of his throat.

            He could feel Gabriel’s pulse thumping rapidly and felt him take a breath to speak, “Not that I’m complaining,” he groaned, “But this is something you want right? Just cause, fuck do you know how to use your tongue! Just because we’re alone for the weekend doesn’t mean you owe me…”

            Sam once more silenced him with his mouth, only briefly whispering, “We talked about this I’ll stop if it’s not okay,” and then tried to emphasize his point by grinding against the angel’s pelvis drawing out a sharp gasp. He hands were moving without thought, urging buttons open as he placed open mouth kisses along each exposed patch of flesh. He made a trail down to his navel, the softness of his belly, kissing the peaks of his hip bones. He tracked his mouth back up the angel’s sternum before locking lips again, “How far you wanna take this?”

            “As far as you want sweetheart,” Gabriel said, voice already low and lustful, pupils nearly blown and they had barely done anything at all yet, “We go as fast or slow as you want. We could even stop here.”

            Sam shook his head with a soft, persistent growl, “Don’t wanna stop, this feels good, feels right.” his hands found the buckle of Gabe’s pants, undressing the other until he was only in boxers. When Gabe’s hands moved to Sam’s pants panic did not emerge, he bit back a nervous and happy laugh.

            “You doing okay?” Gabriel already looked so disheveled, but his honey colored eyes were serious and Sam nodded.

            “Just happy,” he grinned, shucking off his own shirt and allowing Gabriel to remove his pants. He rolled onto his back bringing the other to rest on top. Gabriel cradled his face in both hands, pressing kisses to his cheeks, tracing fingertips along jaw and throat. Sam hummed a bit shakily but it wasn’t for the reasons one might think. This was his biggest step yet and he was nervous but turned on as hell. And he felt loved, he’d never felt so loved and that was the most important feeling that acted like a balm, “I think.” he took a deep breath, “I think I want…”

            The gentle kissing at his throat slowed and he felt the warm breath of Gabriel’s mouth move, “Anything you want.” he repeated.

            “I need you to touch me,” when the kissing resumed and he nipped that space between his neck and shoulder his eyes rolled back in his head. He had almost forgot what this felt like and it was euphoric and safe. When Gabriel finally slipped fingers past his boxers and took him in his hand he nearly sobbed in relief, “You too…” he managed to voice, he thought he might have heard Gabriel say ‘sure?’ but he nodded. There was nothing between them now, flesh to flesh, almost hot, and then they were slotted together.

            “Look at me,” Gabriel’s voice cut through the lust, in between the friction, “You’re going spacey on me.”

            “Good, it’s good, fuck, forgot what this feels like,” Sam locked his arms around the smaller man, kissing madly now. A well placed and firm swirl of thumb around the head of penis had his vision going white. He was shamelessly rutting now, chasing that much needed release. Gabriel’s soft grunts only fueled this and he knew that he wasn’t gonna last, “You close?!”

            “You let go baby, don’t wait for me,” Gabriel assured, pumping them in perfect rhythm, fast but gentle, just enough speed and pressure. He came with a quiet, hoarse cry, body locking up, every nerve lit. Gabriel followed after, whispering an endless stream of sweet endearments into the sweaty expanse of his neck.

            It was the chorus of heavy breathing that brought Sam back to reality, “I’m sorry…that was embarrassingly quick.” he tried for a soft laugh, but it was far too watery for that.

            Gabriel huffed a laugh, balancing his chin on the hunter’s chest, “Your insulting both of our stamina there Sammy boy.” The mess between them was gone with a snap of the fingers and he rested his cheek over Sam’s heart.

            He couldn’t hide the shudder of emotions that rippled through him, arriving in an equally more powerful wave of goosebumps. His eyes were burning but he was happy.

            “Little overwhelmed?”

            He hadn’t realized he’d closed his eyes until there was a palm pressed to his cheek, “A little but I’m good,” when fingers brushed under his eyes he felt the slickness of tears, “Really I am, Gabe, I swear.”

            “You better not be holding back on me,” Gabriel’s smile was tender, understanding, and as always, patient.

            Sam shook his head, “That was everything I needed right now,” he pulled the shorter man forward, capturing his lips, wrapping his arms around the smooth, tepid back, “You’re butt naked on top of me, do I look like I’m freaking out?”

            Gabriel chuckled at that, “I guess you can’t lie your way through that one. I can’t even remember how long I’ve wanted to do that with you.” he dipped down and kissed the center of his chest, “You really are a work of art Sammich, you know that?”

            Any and all feelings of being overwhelmed were smoothed over by Gabriel’s easy humor, “That was a long time coming.”

            “Now can we eat junk food and Netflix binge? We can even do a little Netflix and chill if you’re up for it later,” he waggled his eyebrows until Sam was truly laughing.

            “Anything you want,” he rolled his eyes, urging him forward again by both elbows to chastely kiss him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            They were a permanent place on the couch for the rest of the evening, watching every lame B movie Gabe could think of. It was nearing midnight, Gabriel so high on sugar the only thing that would shut him up was to knock him back to the couch and kiss him stupid. Without even one moment of hesitation Sam took Gabriel in his hand and was pretty sure the angel forgot his own name.

            As they fell asleep that night, Sam’s head on Gabriel’s chest, those perfect fingers gliding through his hair made his eyes droop as usual. A murmuring of ‘I love yous’ filled the silence of the room and for the first time in weeks, there wasn’t a nightmare to speak of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a review! I was SO nervous writing this!


	11. Futile Devices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam finally achieves the intimacy he so badly needs. Gabe is a doll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Sam and Gabe finally have sex and I'm so proud of this. Hope you all enjoy. ONE more chapter with Destiel and then this beautiful fic will come to a close. Thank you so much for all the review, kudos, bookmarks and subscribers. Love you guys!

Their weekend really never stopped with the touching, a brush of a hand, an arm around a waist. Sam was becoming more and more welcoming of touches. He felt utterly empowered by Gabriel’s soft touch and gentle disposition. He knew that his family would be gone at least two more days and Sam saw that as a good thing. A very good thing. Cause he had a plan in mind or at least he hoped he did.

            Currently he had a very naked archangel moaning and writhing beneath him on his bed, their moans echoing off the walls of his bedroom. Gabriel’s sinful mouth lapping at the nape of his neck was a happy distraction. So far all of their activities had happened with the lights on. Sam couldn’t handle low-lighting, even from the lamps, he’d only slightly panicked once and Gabriel had been as wonderful as usual, soothing him through the fast breaths and speeding heartbeat. The need to ‘see’ was an essential thing, not that it was a bad thing because Gabriel was a beautiful form to behold.

            So far they hadn’t gone any farther than a hand job. A virginal hand job if that were a thing.

            Now, was not one of those times, as Gabriel’s hand reached for his obvious arousal, he caught his wrist with a huffy breath, “W-Wait, wait, hold on,” Sam gulped, trying to clear his blurry, lust-stilled vision.

            Gabriel went full frown mode, “What? What’s wrong, did I push…Sammy…”

            “No, no, no,” Sam interrupted, silencing him with a breathy kiss, “Nothing like that I was just…I was thinking about something…”

            Gabriel was still frowning, but both hands were cupping the hunter’s face, both thumbs idly caressing his cheek bones and keeping the hair from his eyes, “What were you thinking about sweetheart? We can stop any time…”

            “I _want_ you…” Sam spat and then was swallowing down what could only be named as stones.

            Gabriel smirked, the softest of a smile gracing his lips, “You have me Sammich, what’s the deal?”

            “Like,” Sam started, yes, throat was far too dry and his heart was hammering but his brain was saying ‘go for it!’, “I-I _want_ you, want you.”

            The archangel balanced up on his elbows, and pecked him on the lips, “You gotta be a little more clear with me sweetheart.”

            “I want you to…” he bit his lip, hard, “I want you in me.” he blurted it out like one would pull off a band aid. He was hoping for a happy response but Gabriel was only frowning further, his face scrunching in concern.

            “Sam…I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

            “D-Do you not want me like that?” he rolled onto his back and predictably Gabriel followed, “I know I’ve…”

            “Stop,” Gabriel shook his head, pressing two fingers to his lips, “Don’t start with all this ‘I’m dirty’ or ‘I’m not worthy’. Cause you are Sammy, you deserve every loving touch. I just don’t want you thinking you got some obligation cause the lovebirds are outta town.”

            Once more Sam found himself gulping, “No, I want it, I want you, please,” he pulled Gabriel down across his broad chest, kissing him stupid. They kissed lazily for a few long minutes until those kisses became more insistent. He wasn’t sure if archangels could lose breath but Gabriel sounded breathless, he pulled away, “You, for any reason need to stop, you tell me, or I’ll smite that perfect ass, got it?”

            Nervously Sam smiled, “Got it.”

            “I’m taking care of you, in every sense, communication better stay open,” Gabriel warned, golden eyes blazing.

            Shakily, Sam nodded, and then Gabe’s lips were on his again, his hands caressing every inch of his body. Lips on his neck, sucking, but not biting, trailing down along his collar bone and as he grazed one nipple he jolted, but not in a bad way. It was electric and for once, in a long, long time he felt safe, and loved. His body was pulsating with wanted pleasure, and it only intensified when Gabe’s perfect mouth was laving his hip bones, thin, sensitive flesh that he never knew could be a hot spot. But it was and he shamelessly bucked, all the while his fingers were clutched in his hair until it stung. He only knew he was doing so when Gabriel was shushing and pulling his fingers away and kissing his palms, and then each fingertip as careful as one would handle glass.

            “Talk to me, at any time it’s too much…”

            “I’ll tell you…” Sam panted and nodded as the archangel tested a heavily lubed finger against his entrance, “It’s okay, do it.”

            He thought being penetrated would be too much but he found himself pushing down on the offered fingers, it wasn’t until the third finger that Gabriel seemingly sought out his prostate. He yelped and arched off the bed.

            “Okay?” Gabriel asked breathlessly, stilling his fingers.

            “Very okay!” Sam spat, “Ah! I’m ready, please, please…”

            It almost seemed ridiculous having this smaller man above him, but then so perfect in every aspect. He hooked his ankles at the small of Gabriel’s back and held on for dear life as he was finally and fully penetrated. He knew for damn sure his angel was using mojo, because the stretching never hurt, it never burned, and every thrust hit his prostate with perfect aim.

            Every inch of his flesh was a lit and he could only feel Gabriel’s lips and touch and warmth and love. Everything. He felt more empowered than he had in years. Possibly since college.

            Gabriel was so careful with each thrust, a languid rocking, all the while he had Sam’s length in his hand, twisting and caressing with the right amount of pressure.

            “Let go sweetheart, let go, you’re safe, right here,” Gabriel murmured against his damp temple, delivering countless and endless kisses. One carefully placed thrust and another thumbing over the head of his penis he was spilling over his hand with a harsh and high-pitched grunt.

            He could feel Gabriel letting go as well, filling him up and he clenched his legs around the archangel’s waist, holding the other as close as possible, face buried in the hollow of his shoulder.

            He felt drunk. And then it hit him, like a wave. And then after that, wave after wave. Safe, safe, safe.

            “Sammy,” Gabriel cooed, his lips were against his brow, the lids of his eyes, his cheeks and then his lips, “You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re safe.”

            Only then did he realize he was crying, tears pouring down his cheeks without any control, “I’m sorry…”

            “Don’t apologize,” Gabriel scolded, he had already pulled out and had turned the tables, urging Sam to his sweat glistening chest, “This was a big step for you Samshine, breathe, breathe for me.”

            As Sam’s orgasm glow waned, he found he could breathe, and then Gabriel flicked his fingers and the mess was gone and he nestled against his lover’s chest, “Thank you…”

            “For what?” Gabriel smirked softly, kissing his forehead.

            “This,” Sam huffed against his chest, tightening his arms around his waist, “All of this, seeing what I needed and giving it. I love you…I love you so much.”

            Gabriel’s arms tightened around his shoulders, “I love you too sweetheart, so much. I know I can clean us up like this,” he snapped his fingers again, “But how about a shower? Or a bath? I’ll give you a rub down.”

            Sam nodded, drunk on the idea that he finally was able to achieve intimacy without panic and it was something he wanted. They both wandered into the bathroom and it was Gabriel that, of course with his grace, produced a huge ass bathtub that both of them could fit in. Hot water and all.

            “Isn’t that wasting energy?” Sam frowned, “You’re still healing Gabe, don’t do stuff like that.”

            “My pleasure, don’t mind at all,” he winked, “Get your naked ass in there.”

            Both men got into the tub but Sam turned the tables, instead of Gabriel sitting behind him he took the latter and spun the archangel around until he was facing the hunter, “How about I give you a rubdown?”

            Gabriel opened his mouth to complain but Sam started in on his shoulders, “Thought that would shut you up.” he kneaded the thick, sinewy muscles that were the embodiment of stress, “You’ve done so much for me I think you deserve this.”

            “Sammy boy you’ve done a lot for me too,” Gabe moaned, head falling forward.

            Sam worked his hands into Gabe’s back, shoulders, and hips, even his neck until the archangel looked like he was about to fall asleep, “Lean against me, I’m gonna wash your hair.”

            Gabriel only groaned and did as told, “Ya know I could zap us clean…”

            “Yeah, but would zapping feel like this?” he asked, kneading his fingers against the angel’s scalp, and he was answered with a moan, “I thought so.”

            Sam took his time cleaning Gabriel up. He was the first one to get out of the tub and despite Gabriel’s demands of doing it the fast way, he dried him off with a fluffy towel and carried him into the bedroom. There Gabriel wouldn’t argue, he dressed them both with the snap of his fingers.

            “Get your ass in bed so we can cuddle. I’m exhausted so you must be close to death,” Gabriel huffed, he lifted up the blankets and said “Get your fine ass in here.”          

            Sam complied, hurrying beneath the warmth, unlike usual nights Gabriel would pull him to his chest but Sam wasn’t having it. He leaned sideways and turned on the night light, and then tugged Gabriel to his chest, arms wrapped around him firmly. He kissed the crown of his head for emphasis that this was the way he wanted to sleep.

            “Alpha moose,” Gabriel growled, but none the less snuggled in, nose aptly buried in the crook of Sam’s neck.

            “I love you,” Sam sighed, feeling calm for the first time in months, fuck, years.

            “Love you too moose, close those beautiful eyes and I’ll make you pancakes in the morning.” he said with a loud sigh and lips brushing against Sam’s throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter with Destiel love!

**Author's Note:**

> Please darlings, please review <3


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